You've taken the big leap and proved your commitment to that special someone in your life. You updated your Facebook status to "In a Relationship," and your profile photo has been replaced with a sweet couple's photo of the two of you. Now, you wake up together each morning and spend time cuddling in bed ... scrolling through your newsfeeds.
While it is understandably tempting to integrate your brand new love into your daily posts, it's a big deal to share your relationship details on social media. There's nothing wrong with wanting to share the special moments of your life together, but you really need to ask yourself why you are doing so.
Maybe you want to make your sweetie feel secure. Maybe you want to make sure others know you're taken — and happy. And perhaps you get a thrill seeing how many "likes" your joint posts can get. It can make you both feel like the world supports your love and when people see you being connected, engaged, and completely together it seems to validate that all of those feelings are real.
Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram are the places you let the world know who you are — or who you would like to be.
The development of a relationship and the pivotal moments that build and solidify love aren't meant for the public eye. Romantic relationships are unique and special specifically because they are so intimate.
When you post your love, compliments, and praise for each other on social media rather than sharing it directly with your partner, you run the risk of strengthening the world's awareness while weakening the impact you would have had on the one person it was truly meant for.
The fact is this: Social media is definitely ruining relationships.
We asked two of our highly esteemed YourTango Experts to tell the worst mistakes happy couples make on social media. Here are their top 6 answers.
1. Assuming an “I love you” plastered on social media has the same impact as saying it directly in person.
"According to The Dating Diva’s 2016 survey of hundreds of men and women, the number one thing they both wished their spouse knew was that they love them. So do you really believe that an 'I love you' will get the message across to your beloved as well as holding your honey close, gazing into their eyes and saying 'I love you?' Yeah, me neither; so don’t let the pixels do the talking." — Karen Finn
2. Using Facebook as relationship capital.
"Talk to one another when you're out of the public eye. Stop using Facebook as relationship capital to prove to others or communicate to others you've got a successful relationship. The whole world doesn't need to witness your relationship dynamic regardless of how good it is. This a quick way to turn your dialogue into a performance, which robs your connection of true authenticity. It also takes something that's sacred to two of you (your dialogue) and putting it out there for scrutiny." — Clayton Olson
3. Expecting your spouse to post how wonderful, beautiful, smart, etc. you are.
"What matters more to you, having your spouse tell you that you’re amazing or having your spouse tell everyone else how great you are? A personal conversation will ALWAYS have more positive impact on a marriage than shouting your praises to everyone else on social media." — Karen Finn
4. Capturing intimate moments and sharing them.
"An intimate moment is no longer an intimate moment if you're sharing it with the world. Relationships are sacred because of the boundaries and respect that surround it. Not every picture needs to be uploaded to Facebook. It's a slippery slope into relying on external validation to prove to yourself that your relationship is good enough, rather than finding the answer within." — Clayton Olson
5. Using social media to have private discussions.
"Sometimes it’s easier to type a quick note to your spouse via Facebook instead of sending them an email, text or calling them. But sometimes it’s really easy to accidentally post your note to the general public instead of just to your sweetie. Before you post anything meant only for your partner’s eyes, double-check that they’ll be the only ones to see it." — Karen Finn
6. Believing Facebook actually means anything!
"Facebook is like face paint. Your significant other is going to paint whatever color they want their life to look like. It doesn't mean anything. When Facebook becomes a tool to read into your partner's soul, you've stopped tracking them and started reacting to their avatar rather than the real person they are." — Clayton Olson
Dr. Karen Finn is a divorce coach. She works with clients who are looking for advice and support to repair their unhappy marriages before considering divorce. You can join her newsletter group for free advice or schedule a FREE 30-minute conversation with Karen directly in her Time Trade calendar.
Clayton Olson is a coach extraordinaire. If you want to take your understanding of men and relationships to the next level, get his 8 Secrets To Create A Rock Solid Relationship guide for free by clicking this link.