It's simple, really.
Are you frustrated that you’re still single when you’ve been in the dating market for what seems like FOREVER? Time after time, you’ve met someone, had that first date, and things just go nowhere. Even if you have multiple dates with someone, it seems that after a short time you find you’re not as compatible as you’d thought.
After carefully vetting every single one of your candidates against your list of must-haves and wants, making certain they are your "type", it can be frustrating when things don't end up working out ... again.
Unfortunately, for many people who have this kind of experience, the real issue is on the inside. It's not that your picker is broken, it's more that in an effort to protect yourself, the barriers, tests and standards you have set up are too tough for people in the real world. If this us you, you’re probably have a never-ending list of criteria that NO one can match up to — too tall, too short, wrong job, wrong music, wrong religion, too young, too old, too boring ... the list goes on. And honestly, it's near impossible for ANYONE to live up to those kinds of standards.
Lesson: THROW AWAY your list!
Or at least shave it down to a reasonable 5 and change the focus to qualities that matter — character qualities NOT physical attributes. Better yet, take a chance and experience something COMPLETELY new. Try dating your opposite.
Stop looking for someone who mirrors you so closely. Sure, it’s comfortable to be with someone that is so like ourselves, but it can also get boring fast. Think how exciting it could be to meet someone who introduces you to new foods, new music, new friends and even new ideas.
Yeah, they may turn out to be a dud, but you’ll learn from the experience and apply that knowledge going forward. The old saying, ‘no risk — no reward’ might certainly apply. The worst that could happen is that you’ll still be single ... nothing lost, nothing gained. BUT, you may just find someone who adds qualities to your life that you never realized were missing.
YourTango Experts Senior VP Melanie Gorman poses the question of dating outside your type with our panel of experts, including psychologist Stan Tatkin, dating coach Sue Mandel, and counselor/dating coach Samantha Burns). Take a moment, watch the video, and learn something about yourself, the way you date, and the REAL reasons you are still single.
The solution to your "problem" may be easier than you think.