It's all about showing up.
Boys say a lot of things, and we love to believe they're all true. But after many, many conversations with my guy friends, and my own personal experiences of disappointment, I've come to the conclusion that most of it is kinda horseshit.
Not to be mean, I think a lot of them have good intentions and really want to live up to all our wild relationship expectations (which, BTW, we need to stop having). But somewhere along the line they get worn out, their minds change, or some other issue arises that has to do with the fact that they're humans and not superheroes.
I think eventually — both guys and girls — grow up to realize that it's better to be honest and say no to something rather than commit and disappoint. Commitment isn't necessarily a sign of a good or bad guy, but one of a guy who's really grown up.
Boys promise us things. They say they'll take us out to a romantic dinner, and instead go home and nap for eight hours. They say they're going to find a steady job so they can save up for an apartment, and instead sleep in and miss the interview. They say they want to go on adventures together, and instead invite you over to Netflix and chill, and eventually pass out.
Boys also sleep a lot. Like, a lot.
It takes time and real inner reflection to figure out the kind of person you want to be. Boys have to do it, girls have to do it, and when we do finally realize that we've been promising stuff we know we'll never do, the light bulb goes off. And then we change.
I won't say that real, successful relationships can't happen with boys. I'm sure there are tons of couples who have grown up together and learned this lesson. But if you're single, and looking for someone who wants a monogamous, commitment relationship, you're more likely to have that with a man who's done the work.
Men won't tell you they're going to take you out to dinner, if they know they've had a long day and they just need to rest. Instead, they'll make other plans for later in the week that they know they won't break. Men are adaptable and have no problem admitting when they just don't have time for something. They'd rather be honest with you, then hurt your feelings down the road.
If you're with a guy who's grown up enough to know what is and isn't capable of, then you can trust that he'll always follow through on what he says. And even if he intends to do something and something else gets in the way, he'll let you know immediately instead of stringing you along.
There's nothing wrong with boys. They're still as fun and attractive as men. But there's still a lot of growing up to do, and if you're a woman who's already been through all that, then it might not be the best idea to get involved with someone who's not on the same level.
The easiest way to figure that out is to simply say it. Be honest about how you value commitment and what it really means to you. Thankfully with boys, it doesn't take them too long to disappoint you. A guy who cancels a date an hour before it was supposed to happen — even though you had been talking about it all day — probably isn't ready for a relationship.
Meaning, you should let him go. Give him time to find himself, have fun and grow up. Eventually he'll learn how to commit — after a few naps.