4 Unspoken Traits All Great Guys Want In A Woman

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There are certain qualities all men are looking for in a partner, but may be afraid to admit.

By Kimanzi Constable and Chaka Dillion-El

Love is an experience every guy desires and seeks to make a reality in his life. Each of us has a burning need to share our life with someone who gets us and loves us. We know how much better life would be to wake up every day next to a person who completes us and gives us feelings we didn’t know we were capable of experiencing.

A lot of relationships start out hot. We are exploring our partner mentally, physically, and emotionally. We are experiencing moments of absolute pleasure as we have fun during the honeymoon phase of our relationship. But at some point, the realities of making a relationship last start to kick in.

Maintaining a relationship can be even harder than getting into the right one. As the relationship progresses, there are certain things every guy looks for as they build their life with someone they love. These are things you won’t hear us talking about, but trust me when I say; they are on our minds as men.

1. A Partner Who Has Their Own Identity

One thing that happens in a relationship is partners get comfortable with each other. This is good for many reasons, but there is one negative aspect to getting comfortable: losing your identity as an individual. You can end up identifying yourself and what you want out of life through the relationship and not as a person.

The goals, dreams, and ambitions you once had get lost in you wanting to do what you feel will better the relationship. A strong relationship requires sacrifice but never losing who you are and what you want. Guys want a partner who never loses sight of themselves as an individual. They want a partner who is committed to the relationship, but also committed to being the best version of them self. There is nothing sexier than a strong and confident person.

2. A Partner Who’s Self-Motivated

When you see problems arise in a relationship, it’s often because one partner lets himself or herself go. This can related to weight, habits, work, ambitions, or a variety of other areas in a relationship. They’ve lost their self-motivation and rely on their partner for their strength.

At first, this is cute and flattering. After a while, it’s exhausting to constantly have to be someone else’s inspiration and strength. Life is hard enough on its own, so adding the weight of motivating your partner can lead to resentment.

To be the best version of yourself, you can only rely on YOU. Yes, there will be things you do as a couple—like workouts or healthy eating habits together—but your main source of strength has to transcend the relationship. 

3. A Partner Who Shares Your Goals and Dreams 

When you start out in a relationship, you’re agreeable to the things your partner tells you they want out of life. At some point, you reach that level of comfort where you can tell them what’s on your mind. What’s on your mind may crush your partner’s dreams and goals.

Every man wants a partner who will be real from the beginning so that we don’t waste our time. We want a partner who will support and dream with us. We want a partner who won’t settle for living a good enough life. This, of course, is assuming the goals and dreams are somewhat realistic.

4. A Partner Who’s Committed to Doing the Hard Work

Relationships are hard work to maintain in the long run. They require our time, energy, and digging deeper. To grow, we have to choose to love instead of how we feel at times. Guys want a partner who gets that and is willing to put in the hard work with us.

We want someone who tries to understand us. Someone who attempts to get a feel for our moods and tries to understand what we’re going through. I’m not saying we want someone who will put us on a pedestal because we understand relationships are a two-way street. But, we want to know if you’re willing to put in the work–we are.

Love is one of life’s greatest feelings and experiences. Every man and woman should experience a love so strong that you know it can only end very well or turn into a train wreck. That kind of love helps you grow as a person either way.

When you find that person you love with everything in you, commit to doing the hard work, but never lose who you are. Stay motivated and don’t get comfortable to the point of letting yourself go. And, this applies to guys as well. Never stop pursuing your love, in the same way, you had done before you were together. Keep it spicy.

What are some unspoken traits you look for in a partner?

This article was originally published at The Good Men Project. Reprinted with permission from the author.

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