Seriously, hurry the hell up.
Being the girl who is always on time is the worst. You make plans to meet up at three, which really translates to a "fashionable" three-thirty in your "laidback" friend's time. (Laidback friends, who needs 'em? Amiright?) You know what's fashionable? A DVF wrap dress. Not strolling in after we've already ordered (and eaten) the entire bread bowl. Here's some other struggles us punctual people deal with on a daily basis:
1. On time doesn't mean on time.
On time means getting your ass in the parking lot 10 minutes early.
2. We always allot time for potential catastrophes (traffic, wrong directions, stopping for gas, subway train delays, airport security lines, etc.) which means we always leave an extra half hour cushion around our departure.
3. Running even 5 minutes late gives us heart palpitations.
And heart palpitations lead to anxiety and anxiety leads to this.
4. If you're late, we'll be nice about it to your face if we don't know you, but inside we're seething.
Because you know what? Being more than 10 minutes late is rude. Being more than 10 minutes late and not giving a heads-up or subsequent apology is really f*cking rude. Our time is just as valuable as yours.
5. We obsessively check our alarm clocks before we go to bed just to make sure it's set.
6. Speaking of alarm clocks, we're not above setting alarms in 15-minute increments, which leads to our iPhones looking like this.
7. We always have a book or fully-charged iPhone on us because we're used to waiting for rude, er, late people.
8. We have no interest in being "fashionably" late, whatever that even means.
The upside: We have no problem getting drinks or the first pass at the pigs-in-a-blanket. Early bird gets the appetizers, SUCKAS.
9. If we had a dime for every time we said, "Let's go," or "Hurry up," to our significant others, we'd have as much money as Jay F*cking Gatsby.
And if we think about that too much, it really starts to bum us out.
10. Repeat this with me: WALK WITH PURPOSE.
Slower walkers to the right, stay in your lanes, keep it moving. Time is money and thanks SO much for picking up the tab since we had to jet early to make it to our next appointment.