Find out if your partner is an overgrown toddler.
A relationship is supposed to be between mature adults who care about one another's needs. However, some relationships are between one mature adult and one overgrown child who only cares about him or herself. Are you in love with a spoiled brat? Welp, chances are if you're reading this, you are, because, well, why else would you have come here? But just in case you're wondering:
1. They expect the world in exchange for a finger-painting.
You work all day, you clean the house, you cook dinner, you do laundry, you give head, and not one "thank you." He just thinks he deserves it because he's cute and he exists. They're basically what most Republicans assume welfare users are like.
2. They don't bother helping out because you're not the boss of them.
You ask them to clean the house while you're at work because your parents are visiting. A spoiled brat might say "yes" but you come home to a messy house anyway because you're not their Dad. And even their Dad is glad to be rid of them because they're the f*cking worst.
3. They throw tantrums.
If they kick, scream and spit, guess what? You're dating a spoiled brat. What's wrong with you?
4. Everything is your fault. Everything. Ever.
Did they get fired from their job? It's your fault. Did they stub their toe on the kitchen table? It's your fault for leaving that kitchen table where it always is everyday. If they step on a LEGO they left out, it's your fault for not putting it away. The dinosaurs went extinct because you never bothered protecting them. Everything in the world is your fault because you're a bad person and don't understand how perfect they are. If you could just be better then they wouldn't have these problems.
5. Nothing is ever his fault. Ever.
He is perfect and adorable. You are inferior and you owe him.
6. They think they can have candy for dinner.
Because their moms never said no because they never shut the f*ck up.
7. They name-call.
If you don't feel like having sex or cleaning their socks or babysitting them when they're drunk, your name changes from "Jen" to "Butthead."
8. They're not potty trained.
If he doesn't put the seat down, he's a brat — he clearly doesn't give a sh*it whether you literally fall into the toilet. Or they just soil themselves and expect you to do the laundry.
9. They take but never give.
Because they don't have to. They deserve everything. Stop whining. They showed up; isn't that enough?
10. You can never get a word in edgewise.
Because everything he says is more important than anything you could ever possibly contribute to a conversation.
11. They expect you to change everything about who you are.
He knows better than you do. Just listen. Why won't you just listen?
12. He cheats. Consistently.
If you would just be there for him, he wouldn't have to bang 16 other people. Someone let Elin Nordegren know.
13. He whines.
He wouldn't have to if you'd just do what he wants when he wants it. What's wrong with you? You're the worst.
14. He never wants to go to sleep.
So he just screams and cries and gets fussy when he's tired and that becomes your problem. Here's hoping you have Benadryl or a hammer to knock him out.
15. His favorite word is "no."
But only if he's saying it.