Are you looking for the RIGHT qualities in a future mate? We bet not.
I have a great friend who is a very successful businessman. He's one of those people whose advice I will always take. One of the interesting things he always says is that if you want to be successful in business, you shouldn't pursue the glamorous things. For us Americans who associate glitz and shiny objects with success, this seems counter-intuitive.
The reason he says it, though, is that a lot of high-revenue businesses don’t hold the "visual" prestige one may expect. Construction companies and manufacturing plants for consumables supply people with things they need, rather than things they would longingly gaze at through a window on 5th Avenue.
The truth is, he’s right — but not just about business. This same concept translates into relationships. When we chase after the pretty things, we often lose sight of the less exciting traits of a person that will actually make a relationship work. We often talk about the importance of honesty, trust, or mutual respect — but in this article I want to pay homage to the less sexy but more essential qualities of a great romantic partner.
1. They're reliable.
Reliability, how boring. Reliability is the reason you buy a Toyota Corolla, not excitement. It's not glamorous or sexy or particularly interesting — but you know what? When you walk outside in the morning and turn the key, you know that sucker is going to start-up without a flinch, no matter how much it's been through.
A great romantic partner is someone you can count on without having to worry. You know they're going to be there for you when you need it. You know they're going to stand behind you when you need support, beside you when you need a teammate, and in front of you when you need protection. You don’t have to wonder if they're going to do what they said they are going to do or if they are going to flake out on you last minute, because they are reliable.
2. They're genuinely goodhearted.
How is this person with children? With pets? With their family? Intense chemistry in the throes of passion, the willingness to go on adventures, being passionate about you and about their life: these things are all important to take into consideration … but in the long run they are "bonus" features; they're not the foundation.
When you strip away all of the extras like the hours in the gym, the designer clothes, the fancy car or the nice condo in the city … what you're left with is the core of the person you're committing yourself to. Is this somebody you can actually see yourself waking up to in 5, 10, 20 years from now?
A beautiful face will someday become wrinkled, a great body will someday age, but a good heart will always remain a good heart.
3. They're patient.
Patience is an essential trait in someone we hope to build a strong relationship with. It takes patience to learn about each other and our personality differences. It takes patience to adjust and to remain kind while they adjust. It takes patience to have productive discussions rather than arguments.
Patience is something that only we can feel — others may notice it but if you do it right, nobody will actually know you're even being patient because you remain so calm and collected the entire time. Take a deep breath and allow life to unfold as it should.
4. They're compassionate.
When you truly love a person, you link your emotions to theirs. Their happiness becomes your happiness and you lend them your strength to cope with their pain. "Me and you" becomes "us," and laughter and tears are shared together.
Life will lead us in unexpected directions at times, both good and bad. Having the caring and support of our partner by our side makes things easier — but only if they are compassionate. If they are cold or seem to pull away from you during your times of need, it will increase the intensity of life’s challenges and put a strain on your relationship over time.
5. They're thoughtful.
In relationships and in life, I believe many of us overlook the importance of thoughtfulness. Life moves quickly and we often get so wrapped up in our day-to-day routines that we lose sight of how important it is to work to make our significant other happy as well. This includes learning one another’s likes and dislikes, supporting each other during difficult times, and encouraging each other during the good times.
It includes paying attention to small details and doing special things accordingly that we know each other will like. Being thoughtful helps us live, connect, and love more deeply with others.
Attraction, excitement, adventure, and many other "higher-profile" qualities are still important to the success of a relationship — but those things are not what are going to allow you to sleep soundly next to someone at night. They are not going to be the things that you crave when you're holding hands in your rocking chairs on the porch decades from now. They're not going to make someone a good parent, a good spouse, or a good teammate in life.
They may make someone fun to be around and keep us with them for awhile, but they are no guarantee of a goodhearted person or a healthy relationship. For that, we need to look deeper into someone’s heart for the things that truly matter in the long run.
James Michael Sama is an award-winning Boston based blogger on the topics of dating and relationships, having amassed over 30 million readers in just a year and a half. He writes and speaks on the topics of chivalry, romance, and happiness throughout the country and has been featured repeatedly in news segments, talk shows, and mainstream radio.
This article was originally published at http://jamesmsama.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.