No Rhyme And Even Less Reason: The 7 Worst Celebrity Poets

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<a href="http://cdn.3news.co.nz/3news/AM/0-Articles/232803/pamela-anderson_wenn_1200.jpg"/>Pamela Anderson</a>
Pamela Anderson isn't the only celebrity to write embarrassing poetry. Check out the worst celebrity

Poetry is apparently a pretty indefinable thing. It doesn't have to rhyme or have a consistent rhythm. It just needs to be words.

Celebrities can usually write words, so many times they'll dabble in a little bit of poetry. Famous people like to do things like write poetry so that they get to feel important while not being judged on the quality of their work. They put some words together, so they get to consider themselves poets. Here are seven of the worst examples of celebrity poetry, starting with the most recent celebrity poet: Pamela Anderson.

Our true character, collective complexities.
childish activities -
patterns- genetics? Attention deficit-
- ...SEX ... a lost art-- a sickness--
Perversions-
Lost sensuality -
The cruel smell of orange blossoms...
I love being in love-- but expectations,
make it impossible to be happy-
or satisfied...
I've tried... so hard..

Pamela Anderson penned a poem on her Facebook page, and this seems like another case where a somewhat famous person wrote a bunch of words down and calls it a poem. The poem seems to be about the breakup of her latest marriage. Its hard to tell, because she frequently veers off topic. She compares ordering sex online to ordering a book from Amazon.com. While I've never ordered sex online, I feel like it may be a bit of a different experience. It seems unlikely that people that order sex online spend time considering how much they want to spend on shipping.

Pamela Anderson

I reared digital moonlight
You read its clock, scrawled neon across that black
Kismetly … ubiquitously crest fallen
Thrown down to strafe your foothills
…I’ll suck the bones pretty.

Kristen Stewart wrote a poem called "My Heart Is A Wiffleball/Freedom Pole." There's not much more to say about it. It's exactly what you'd expect it to be: not great. Stewart's poem seems like the sort of thing that gets read during one of the early classes in a Creative Writing 101 course. She uses a lot of big words, which hides the fact that she's really saying nothing. All this poem really says is that Kristen Stewart owns a thesaurus. One thing is for certain, though — Stewart's mouth was open the entire time she was writing this.

Kristen Stewart

Lucky in love
Lucky in love
Didn’t forget me when I asked you to leave me
Didn’t forget me
Now you’re alongside me
You’ve brought luck to love
I’ve been hit by a truck in love."

Jennifer Aniston was dating John Mayer and wrote a poem about it. It's supposed to be a happy poem, but in the poem she says that she's been hit by a truck in love. Usually, people would compare falling in love as the opposite feeling of getting all your bones shattered by a truck. If that's how the relationship felt to her, it's probably a good thing that it didn't last.

Jennifer Aniston

There had been a time
When we were up for the same roles,
10 Things I Hate about You
(
Based on The Taming of the Shrew),
And The Patriot —
Funny, you were Australian and so was Mel —
You were the knight in A Knight’s Tale
Although I’m sure you wished you weren’t.”

James Franco seems like the sort of guy who would try to write poetry (pretentious, wannabe artistic, self-obsessed). As a result, it's somewhat satisfying that it isn't that good. He seems to just state facts about stuff, and then doesn't rhyme. Its not so much poetry as it is a collection of phrases. He's written about such topics as Obama's second inauguration, Heath Ledger, and Lindsay Lohan. So basically, the most poetic topics possible.

James Franco

more of a demand than request
a challenge – a plea
i turned and saw an enormous woman
struggling to get out of her car
she was stuck

It's not funny that Rosie O'Donnell had a heart attack. The poem she wrote about it, however, totally is. She tells the story about how she helped some lady who was stuck in her car (it's implied because the lady was super fat), and then later on took some Tylenol. This is only a poem because O'Donnell labeled it a poem. It doesn't rhyme, it lacks reason and there's no real rhythm. Just like most conversations on The View.

Rosie O'Donnell

'There are nightmares on the sidewalks/there are jokes on TV
there are people selling thoughtlessness with such casualty.

Jewel wrote an entire book of poetry. The book is best experienced if you read it out loud and yodel all of the words. You know who wasn't a fan of this book? Kurt Loder, the old guy from MTV News. He and Jewel got into a bit of a disagreement over the use of the word "casualty." If Kurt Loder isn't a fan of it, neither am I.

Jewel

No more chains
That you gave me
Enough of pain
Now I'm craving
Something sweet
So delight
How do you stand sleeping at night?

Britney Spears' poetry does rhyme, which is nice. It seems like that's all she knew about poetry, though. As I understand it, poetry is supposed to paint a picture, using the words to create an image. When I read Britney Spears' poetry, the only image it conjures is is a high school freshman trying to rap for the first time ... which is still better than Kevin Federline rapping "Popozao."

Britney Spears

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