The 2014 Billboard Music Awards were last night (May 18), and they were a doozy. A literal and serious popularity contest, the Billboard Music Awards rely on chart rankings over critical acclaim or artistic merit for their winners, though they do occasionally overlap.
In fact, one of the best moments was when two-time Grammy winner Lorde nabbed a trophy for Top New Artist, and reacted the way you'd expect a precocious yet self-aware teenager to react: By reminding everyone that she's 17 and a half now, not 15 (quick Lorde, grab your Depends!), as well as that she's adorable:
Another occurred when 18-year-old Kendall Jenner proved she's the opposite of the ultra-intelligent, hyper-talented Lorde. How? Well, Jenner, who's been allegedly "homeschooled" for a while, may want to apply for admission to Zoolander's education center.
Nicki Minaj had to censor herself from revealing her new song title, but it starts with "P" and ends with "licious":
Jennifer Lopez, of course, had already kicked off the show with a bang — of her booty:
Also famous for using her hips, Shakira nearly gave network censors a heart attack when she almost showed off her nips instead:
Meanwhile, Miley Cyrus deliberately tried pushing the envelope. Key word here being "try," something this troll does a little too hard a little too often:
Similarly, Katy Perry reminded the world both what John Mayer must miss and why she's relevant, despite ripping off Nicki Minaj's old look and sounding like a (katy)cat being skinned when she sings live (seriously, no one — no one — talks about or references Katy Perry's breasts more than Katy Perry):
Robin Thicke showed his thirst for another hit, as well as for his ex-wife Paula Patton, when he dedicated his song "Get Her Back" to his estranged spouse:
Iggy Azalea and Ariana Grande helped the world forget about their problems for a few minutes. Dang, those girls are gorgeous — and Ariana Grande can sing her patootie right off!
But of course, Justin Timberlake was the winner of the night. Not only did he take home Top Artist at the 2014 Billboard Music Awards, but he also had the best acceptance speech: