Why Gay Men Don't Believe In Love

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gay men couple touching
David Cruz of Bravo's 'Millionaire Matchmaker' examines the gay community's cynicism toward love.

When I was very young, just barely a freshman in high school, my parents told my two younger siblings and I that they were getting a divorce.

I don't remember feeling very upset about it, as I could tell this was for the best. Even as a young child, I could sense that somehow these two people were not meant to be together. Eventually both my parents found love and remarried and I was able to put that part of my life behind me. Being away at school helped me distance myself from the drama and move on with my own journey in self-discovery. 

During my second year of college, just shy of turning 21, I came out to my family and admitted to everyone that I was gay. After dissecting my parents' divorce for many years, it was this new relationship with myself that now needed much examining.

Coming out in my early twenties allowed me to couple most traditional rights of passage with the college experience. I was able to experience my first kiss, sexual experience, heartbreak and relationships at the same pace as my straight counterparts.

But, no matter how up to speed I felt in the life experience department, there was always the looming understanding that as a gay man, relationships had their limit. After all, this was still the early 90s and gay marriage still seemed very much like a pipe dream.

As I got older, I became more in tune with the type of relationship that I wanted. No matter what was happening in the political background, I knew that one day I wanted to get married. The idea of finding one person to spend the rest of my life, buy a house, and have kids always seemed like a fond dream of mine.

I kept wondering if it was normal for a kid from a divorced family to be so infatuated with the idea of "happily ever after," and my obsession with romance and love grew throughout the years. I stayed up many nights watching Meg Ryan and Julia Roberts and I often wished that one day I would live the gay equivalent of a When Harry Met Sally or Notting Hill. When it comes to music, I could easily give you over a thousand love songs to add to your playlist. Valentine's Day is pretty much a national holiday to me.

When it comes to romance, I am the ultimate enthusiast! So, it should come as no surprise to anyone that I created a site called Finding Cupid and that I am a Matchmaker.

But being a gay man and believing in love is hard.

Not only am I in a constant battle with the public opinion over rights and equality, but I am also in a constant battle with my own community.

More often than not I am greeted with eye rolls and snide remarks when I tell gay men about my line of work.  It's very rare that I meet people that openly embrace me, encourage me, or support me. Sure, there are a few standout couples that love what I do, but most gay men tend to be a bit more cynical.

I have spent many nights trying to understand this. After all, aren't we on the frontlines fighting for marriage equality? I have come up with two big reasons (in my opinion) that gay men are cynical when it comes to believing in love. KEEP READING!

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