He's fun but is he good for you?
Is it important to avoid men who are trouble?
The obvious answer is yes! For me, re-entering the dating scene after I split from my husband was quite the experience. I fell hard and fast for my first boyfriend. When we broke up and I had time to reflect on "us", I realized he was none of the things I was looking for to begin with. In fact, he had some pretty big flags (see below). How did I let that happen?
So sitting down and making a list of my dream guy's traits was important. I keep it in a handy place and refer back to it often.
What is equally as important is knowing which types of men to avoid. Some are universally bad news. If your guy sounds like one of these, you might just need to cut your losses (and fast). Why set yourself up for heartbreak on purpose. Makes no sense, right?
1. Wounded Man:
If you want to be re-bound girl, that’s most unfortunate. Men who have just exited a relationship and have taken no time to heal are wounded and troubled. Right off the bat you know he’s got some serious self-esteem issues. Sound enticing to you? Of course not! The best place for Wounded Man to hide from himself is in one relationship after the next. Look and listen carefully. Has he gone from relationship to relationship to relationship? Why is that? If you enter into a relationship with Wounded Man knowing full well his history, then you’re walking right into Trouble. Just know that right up front and don’t be surprised when things go awry.
2. Sweet Talker:
If your guy has lots of sweet lines for you, it's time to roll your eyes and move on. Most likely, he wants to get you into bed too quickly. He might even be Wounded Man in desperate search of his next relationship. Either way, this guy is bad news. Time to get your favorite running shoes on and start that sprint for the door.
3. Mr. Commitmentphobe:
This guy is the opposite of Wounded Man. If Mr. Commitmentphobe has never had a serious relationship, the chances that he'll ever commit to you are slim to none. If you even try, you're headed for a future of confusion, frustration and heartbreak. If he initially says sweet things like, "I've never found the right lady and I think you're it," don’t believe it. The reasons why he hasn't ever found someone special is beside the point. No need to spend lots of time thinking this one through. Likewise, if you've been dating a guy for a long period of time but he still refuses to call you his girlfriend, your "relationship" is going nowhere. If that's ok for you and you really want nothing more, then enjoy the fun times. But if you want something different, it's not happening with him.
4. Drama King:
Granted, some things are out of a guy's control. But if you go into a relationship knowing full well that he's in the midst of legal problems or drama, like major problems at work that just might be his own fault, endless issues with the kids and ex-wife, an unresolved marriage (okay, let's not even state the obvious here!)... well, you get the picture. Unless you love a life filled with chaos and uncertainty, it's a good time to keep looking.
Some men are looking for a mother figure and that does not bode well for you. Men that fall into this category include the perpetually unemployed, the guy who can't seem to do his own laundry or clean up after himself, loves beer and a couch more than just about anything, or generally doesn't want to act like a grownup. Unless you feel like parenting another child (you know what I’m about to say next)... it's time to move on.