With Valentine's Day just around the corner, it's time to decide exactly how you're going to spend the big day. If you're in a relationship, you'll probably do the whole dinner thing, after your main squeeze gives you flowers and the customary heart-shaped box of chocolate. Don't you just love predictability? But if you're single, and wishing and hoping (read: dying) to have a man in your life for Valentine's Day, then we have an idea for you: rent one. That's right; pay a man to give you the time of day.
But where, oh where, does one go to rent a man? Craigslist? Hell no. Do you want to end up chopped into tiny bits that are tossed in the river?
If you're in the market to get a guy to, well, hang around you, then you should hit up the one-stop shopping site of Rent a Gent. And when I say, "one-stop shopping," I mean it, because that's exactly what you can get when you browse through the relatively small crop of guys who have a myriad of talents. For example, Sam The Artist can teach you a language, dance for you, cook for you (he's a self-proclaimed chef), and, of all things, philosophize with you all for the bargain price of $300 an hour! He also, based on his photos, has a penchant for the color purple. I deduce this to mean he'll recite some Alice Walker to you while showing you his mad martial arts skills, because, yeah, he's apparently a master at that, too. Intrigued yet?
It seems that no matter what your needs, Rent a Gent has a man for the job: dates, handymen, butlers, bodyguards, dog trainers, personal trainers, poets and strippers. And yes, ladies, Tommy The Mentor is both a poet and a stripper. I told you this is one-stop shopping!
We asked a few ladies what they would rent a guy for, reminding them that this is NOT an escort service and sexy time isn't part of the package.
"I would hire him to clean my house," said Colleen. "That's about it."
She wasn't alone in looking for some help for everyday stuff, because Cassie was thinking pretty much the same thing. "Dishes! Painting my nails, carrying the groceries, taking out the recycling... shall I go on?"
I mean, what else are you supposed to do with a guy you can't have sex with? Although it was pointed out more than a few times, that no one was interested in paying for sex even if it was an option.
Jen, who's pregnant and about to pop any day now went into a bevy things she'd hire a "gent" to do: "SO. MANY. IDEAS. He could push my stroller while I trot around in ultra-high heels (he also has to change diapers). He could just give me foot massages while I work. Public compliments. Like, I send him on a Starbucks run, but he's required to say, 'I need an iced mocha for my queen,' and then when I get the coffee, the barista needs to have written 'Queen' on it. Anti-personal-trainer: He comes to the gym with me, but just stands nearby, telling me I don't really need to exercise and should probably just relax so he can feed me strawberries. Could I just watch him do pushups in my living room? That's not weird or anything."
Less useful, but perhaps even better ways to get the best bang for your buck came from Sarah who wants him to "tickle my back for hours. He's not allowed to say one f*cking word," and Julia, who liked Jen's idea of demanding compliments from him, but also thought framing him for a murder she might want to commit would be the best way to truly use his, um, assets. Because we all know chef/martial artist/poet/dancer Sam The Artist up there would be a perfect patsy.
Alle, on the other hand, found the entire concept to be flawed. "Why not just hire a handyman? Could I pay a gent to keep philosophers away from me?" she asked, before pointing out that she can take care of herself. "I can't think of a single reason to just hire some dude." Personally, I can't either, but can you?
While it may be flawed, as Alle said, because, well, a handyman is going to be way cheaper, perhaps, for some of you, you'll want a cutie-patutie around your place on Valentine's Day. Isn't that what Valentine's Day is about? Spending money on pretty things that make you feel less alone? And the best part is, Rent a Gent ships everywhere: "We can ship to virtually any address in the world. Note that there are restrictions on some products, and some products cannot be shipped to certain destinations."
As for returns? "You may return most new, unopened items within 15 days of delivery for a full refund." If there are any other products on this site besides men, I've failed to notice them, therefore making this return policy even creepier. You know, because the shipping policy wasn't weird enough.
So, ladies, are you down? Will you be renting a gent this Valentine's Day or any other day in the coming months? If you're a "true go-getter woman" who's "smart and busy" with a full social calendar then, according to CEO and Co-Founder Sara Shikhman, you deserve "the lifestyle that has been enjoyed by men for centuries." Wait, what?! That's another topic for another day. Until then go forth, you go-getters, and get, er, rent your man today!
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