"Gay chips are baked. Straight chips are deep-fried. It's that simple."
The correlation between love and food is undeniable. If you've ever been in love, you'll agree.
Your change in appetite is also noticeable when your heart has been smashed all over the floor. Some people go into starvation mode, because they're too heartsick to eat, while some take to the couch with Ben & Jerry's and stay there until they outgrow their pajamas. In either case, you're reminded that love and food are forever intertwined. Don't first dates involve dinner? Isn't it a huge step when you finally show off your culinary skills in the kitchen to your new love? Yes.
Simon Doonan, who knows a thing or two about almost everything, wrote a book, Gay Men Don't Get Fat, where he reveals his theory that some foods are gay and some are straight. For example, when was the last time you saw your gay best friend eat a carb without crying and shaming himself for three hours afterward? Perhaps it's stereotypical, but Doonan makes what is perceived a stereotype to be a somewhat believable statement on how gay and straight people differ in their eating behavior.
Example? As Doonan explained to the New York Times, "Gay chips are baked. Straight chips are deep-fried. It's that simple."
With that in mind, what exactly would you find on the ultimate gay/lesbian menu according to Doonan? For starters, gay men's food means avoiding protein and fats, and going for far more colorful and lighter grub, while gay ladies’ foods involve a lot of organic, local, whole-grain, grass-fed, "thick porridge" type of stuff.
We put together the "ultimate" dinner menu for both gay men and lesbians based on what we've learned from Simon Doonan.
Black been soup sans sour cream
Baby arugula salad with spritzes of lemon juice
Slice tomatoes drizzled with balsamic vinegar
Dried figs adorned with three almonds
Shell-less spinach quiche with a side of baby greens
Cesar salad sans anchovies
Sashimi, three pieces of your choosing
Fresh water oyster dish with raw veggie accompaniment
Baked apple pie
All organic Cobb salad
Whole grain bruschetta with organic olive oil
Local market fresh fruit salad
Homemade granola with a dollop of Greek yogurt
Organic meatloaf with kale chips
Baked chicken with wild grain rice
Grass-fed beef thinly sliced with a side of organic veggies
Large kale and hard-boiled egg salad drizzled with organic olive oil
Organic peanut butter pie
Soy ice cream with local fresh blackberries
Disclaimer: Remember, this is according to Doonan, not me! However, my stomach and I would like to confirm that Mexican food being very "hetero," as he says, is very true — at least in this neck of the city.
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