Welcome to "What Guys Really Think...", our column devoted to polling real men about what's going on inside their noggins when women speak, act or even dress in various ways.
There's no question that your man is committed you — but what about your bestie? Does a failing friendship between the two most important people in your life mean you're doomed or is it totally acceptable for these two to just … get along? Should your beau and your best friend be as inseparable as you two are? After all, we're in the age of frouples, where your BFF is kinda also your boyfriend.
I took to the guys to find out how important the relationship really is.
They Want To Be Friends With Your Best Friends:
"I actually like to be close with my girlfriend's best friends," says Jake, 29, "because it gives me another window into her life — and who she is when I'm not around."
For a lot of dudes, being friends with your girlfriend's lifelines is definite a must. Girls pick up on things that guys tend to overlook — like how she likes her eggs on Sunday morning or how she always organizes her underwear drawer by color. "My girl's best friends always know the best advice to give me," admits Cole, 23.
While your guy may get to see a different side of you (cough in the bedroom cough), there's no one who knows you like your best friends do. A guy may be able to tell a girl's favorite sex position or how she likes to be kissed but a best friend can tell you every romantic dream, every tear shed and — down to the detail — how she imagines her wedding day; girls can tell you when a girl is truly happy, when she’s faking it or when she’s legitimately upset; we can read further into our friends' thoughts than guys could ever get. It's not their fault; it's just the truth. Women, by nature, are more intuitive and more inclined to pick up on the subtleties of another's behavior — especially if it’s someone they know inside out.
But for a lot of men, a relationship with your girls isn't one they’re willing to work on.
It's Stressful — And Not Easy:
"Having one girl in your life is hard enough, but adding all her best friends to the mix? When I want an opinion on something I hate feeling like I have to address the entire army," says Ryan, 28.
Jason, 22, agrees: "I always feel like my girlfriend's friends are judging me for the things I've done wrong in our relationship. I'm sure my girlfriend tells them everything and I hate feeling like they are just as important to our relationship as my girlfriend and I are."
Yes, women talk to each other about a lot of things, but it doesn't mean that each one of her best friends knows the ins and outs of your relationship. More often than not, people in committed relationships actually prefer not to share every little detail with their inner circle. Sure, she might tell her friends that it pissed you off when you dissed her outfit, but she'll likely keep mum about the time you opened up about your dad's alcoholic past.
"It's hard knowing what girls share and what they keep private," says Phil, 25. Adding, "It's also hard not to feel like you're walking into a situation where these girls have prejudged you — and you have to prove them wrong. It puts a lot of stress of your relationship!"
They Know What They're Getting Into:
Most admit they know that the pressures on for them to like their girlfriend's best friend — and to their surprise, they actually end up getting along.
"When I first met my girlfriend," says Thomas, 33, "I knew that she really wanted me to get along with her friends. She'd plan all these hang outs so we could get to know each other. At first, I wasn’t really sure how to feel, but once we started all hanging out, I realized that I actually liked her friends. It made spending time together a lot easier."
And when I asked my boyfriend to tell it like it was, he said, "Honestly, I knew when we started dating that I wasn't just dating you — I was dating all your friends." Glad to know my man knew a frouple when he saw one!
And while the answers seem divided, men can at least agree that second to themselves, your best friend is the most important third wheel in your relationship.
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