Weird News: Man Hits 100 MPH On Way To Booty Call

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man being arrested
No friend with benefit is worth endangering innocent lives, right?

Rule Number One of the booty call game: don't let them think about it. Thinking with anything other than your baby-producing parts is a recipe for someone not answering the door. If you think, you end up using the internet to self-abuse. 

Per the Chicago Tribune, a local man very much knows that getting there is 99% of the battle. In a rush to get to the domicile of a ladyfriend, he was clocked going 111 MPH and failed to brake for a both stop sign and a red light. After getting pulled over, the 21-year old man explained to the officers that he was merely breaking laws and endangering lives so that he could have sex with a woman whom he was not romantically attached to.

There is no doubt that the fuzz was sympathetic to his plight but hitting triple digits and blowing through red things (stop signs/ traffic lights) sort of ties their hands. Throw in trace amounts of reefer and you may have to text that woman to break into her in-case-of-emergency “marital aid” kit.

And to add insult to blue balls, the man was sentenced to five days of medium labor picking up trash or washing cop cars. The man's next 18 months will feature probation and random drug tests. The potential booty call could not be reached for comment but, if I know the nature of these things, she probably watched an episode of Girls and went to bed after not hearing from him for 30 minutes.

This is the only reason I live in a city with plentiful cabs. Hopefully, the next time this young man has a booty call waiting, he'll obey traffic laws, invite her to his place or use Skype, like a gentleman. If I've heard it once, I've heard it a million times, amorous young men are a danger to themselves and everything around them and this administration needs to do something about it.

In similarly sad news, a Missouri man drove to a police precinct looking for a little comfort from this recent breakup and instead received a DWI, according to Patch.com.

Note to horny and forlorn men, cars are dangerous.

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