When we first meet someone we like, we will go to any length to have sex because we are infatuated and ridiculously turned on. We don't know whether there will be other opportunities to be with that person. The urgency of making sure we get lucky with the new crush eclipses the need to get anything else done. Plus, typically, there are not screaming and demanding small children who grab and kill our libidos in one swift motion.
Sex is the ultimate priority in the beginning of many of our relationships, so when it shifts down to a way lower priority because of the demands of the children, the stress of the finances, in laws and the not always welcome changes in our bodies, the sizzle can fizzle. Plus, the complicated emotions we can have about our significant others based on our being so intertwined OUTSIDE the bedroom can make it even harder (pun intended) to get down to the hot and dirty sexy time.
And perhaps sex with someone you've been with for close to 20 years is NOT the same level of "omg I'm doing it with a stranger" hot. But this does not mean it has to be bad. In fact, sex with a long-term love can be magical and spiritual and feel freaking awesome. I believe we have to remove from our minds the mood wreckers and make the time to be naughty together.
My husband and I have been together for close to 17 years, and we've been married for 15 of those years. Thankfully we have a good sex life. But we work at it. We make it a priority. I have found the comfort of feeling safe with my husband has allowed me to be freer with my body and more open about what makes me feel good. I know he loves me. I know he wants me. I also know he may want the model on the cover of the sports illustrated swimsuit edition. (I think humor in a relationship matters as much as hot sex.)
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