The red flags are obvious. You just need to stop rationalizing his flaws.
If you could instantly recognize that a guy is trouble, then you'd think the divorce rate would be a heck of a lot lower... right?
Debra Weiner is the author of How to Recognize Your Future Ex-Husband, and shared a few of her insights on how to do just that in a recent Huffington Post article. The basic premise of the article, and the book, is that single women looking for love often "rationalize" guys' flaws in their relationships. When a red flag pops up, we think, Oh, he just does that because… and think (or pretend) our excuses are perfectly legitimate, when they're not. Let's look at a few case studies.
1. Anger. He throws a serious temper tantrum on the third date. We think: Aw, he can show his true feelings around me!
2. Boundaries. He gives you unsolicited advice on your health, looks or anything else that comes off as critical, rather than helpful. You've been dating for two weeks. We think: Aw, he cares about me!
3. Money. He gives you a Rolex within the first week of dating. We think: Aw, that is SUCH a nice gesture! He must be one generous dude.
According to Weiner, we should immediately brand the male in question prime "future ex-husband" material and flee the scene pronto. And I totally agree with her about that: Sometimes, we need to run. Fast. Thing is, when we're head-over-heels in love with the idea of a potential new love, our instincts often tell us to ignore flaws—even major ones. Win $550 Worth Of Luxury Goods From Henri Bendel!
But ladies, we need to be more perceptive early on in relationships. In some situations, a guy is downright immediately dump-able. A man's anger is only going to get worse as he gets older, and overt "generosity" is just a cue that he's trying to buy your heart instead of win it the right way. If you're in a relationship and are constantly making excuses for a guy, you need to re-assess and ask yourself, "How many excuses are too many?" Maybe that will lead to less heartbreak and fewer divorces. 10 Dating Red Flags Young Women Always Ignore
On the other hand, you might marry a perfect gentleman—great job, wants kids, has the same values as you, you're totally compatible—and it could still end in divorce. Love is tricky like that. So we should do all we can to find those lasting relationships, and be aware of red flags early on.
Sound off: What other red flags immediately make you think "not husband material?"