Just Ask Me Out Already!

By

man whispering in woman's ear
Vague invitations to "hang out" just don't cut it.

Hello there. You. Yes, you! I have something I would like to talk to you about.

It's come up a couple of times recently and it's gotten so irritating that I finally have to say something about it. I'm pretty sure you're not even aware of what you're doing or why it bothers me. So here it goes. The Frisky: How Long Do You Wait For A Guy To Make A Move?

I would like you to ask me out on a freaking date.

Don't ask me to hang out with you. Don't ask me if I'm free "sometime" on Friday night and say you'll get in touch that night to "see what's up." Don't ask me if I'm "interested in getting a drink sometime."

I have been talking to you, haven't I? I have been emailing, text messaging, IMing, and even talking on the phone. Of course I'm "interested" in "hanging out" "sometime." That is why I am talking to you. I am not doing it for my health, because I have nothing better to do with my time, or because you're so goddamned interesting that I can't resist your witty banter over gchat. If I wasn't already "interested," you wouldn't be communicating with me at all.

I want you to ask me on a date.

I want the date to have a day of the week—Friday or Saturday, for instance.

I want the date to have a time—8 o'clock would be an example.

I want the date to have a place, or at least, a notion of a place. "A drink." "Coffee." "Dinner." "Walking around a bookstore together." I sincerely do not care where we go or what we do; I just want to prepare for it (eat dinner beforehand, don't eat dinner beforehand) and know how I should dress (heels? sneakers?). You don't even have to spend money. I'll pay for myself if you don't offer! Really, this should not be intimidating.

I said this before but it bears repeating: I don't want to "hang out" with you. What does hang out even mean to you, exactly? I hang out on my friends' couches and thumb through magazines while we gossip with each other. Is that what you want us to do? And while we're on the subject of not "hanging out," don't ask me to come meet your friends at a bar, either. I have enough friends and family in my life to "hang out" with and we have our own bars. Why, if I have never met you before, would I want to "hang out" at your favorite bar with more people I don't know?

Now. I know what you're thinking and feeling. You're feeling criticized and attacked by what I'm saying. You may even think I sound like a bitch. No wonder no one asks me out on dates, right? The Frisky: 10 Ways Guys Can Ensure A Successful Date Before It Begins