My friend laughed. He is married and had a couple serious girlfriends before settling down with his wife. "Don't you think that with each person you learn more how to be better in a relationship?" The Frisky: Love Lessons In A First Relationship
"It could be that way in some relationships," I conceded. "But there are also some relationships or dating experiences that are just bad for you. Besides, you can also grow up and mature in a relationship, too. What about couples who marry when they are, like, 21 and stay happily married for life? Are we assuming they never grow at all?" The Frisky: Worst First Dates
More from YourTango: 5 Things Relationships Make You Miss About Being Single
My friend didn't have any answers.
Maybe I feel comfortable admitting my dating years were a waste of time because I don't believe in "The One." I don't believe in soul mates. I don't believe in having a beshert. Nor do I believe "everything happens for a reason," like my older sister does. Those are dating myths (Santa Claus!) and they're followed by a bunch of beliefs that are also pretty dubious. I think we choose to pair-bond with people; it's not cosmic destiny or anything like that. The way I see it, my boyfriend and I are great together, but if I got hit by a truck tomorrow, he would eventually find someone else who's great with him. The Frisky: The Loner Gets Talked Into Speed Dating
Really, the biggest fallacy of dating is the idea that every single date or relationship better prepares you for this mythical Soul Mate. A jerk who dumps you for your best friend, or someone who lies to you, or a man who hits you — they are all supposed to teach you some big, valuable lesson. It's a very can-do, optimistic, American idea. "Make lemonade out of lemons!" "Find the silver lining!" If you don't find the silver lining, you're not trying hard enough. The Frisky: MERRIMe, A New Web Comedy About Online Dating