Bad Relationships Are A Waste Of Time
Why do bad dates and relationships have to become life lessons? I'd rather just forget them.
My friend laughed. He is married and had a couple serious girlfriends before settling down with his wife. "Don't you think that with each person you learn more how to be better in a relationship?" The Frisky: Love Lessons In A First Relationship
"It could be that way in some relationships," I conceded. "But there are also some relationships or dating experiences that are just bad for you. Besides, you can also grow up and mature in a relationship, too. What about couples who marry when they are, like, 21 and stay happily married for life? Are we assuming they never grow at all?" The Frisky: Worst First Dates
My friend didn't have any answers.
Maybe I feel comfortable admitting my dating years were a waste of time because I don't believe in "The One." I don't believe in soul mates. I don't believe in having a beshert. Nor do I believe "everything happens for a reason," like my older sister does. Those are dating myths (Santa Claus!) and they're followed by a bunch of beliefs that are also pretty dubious. I think we choose to pair-bond with people; it's not cosmic destiny or anything like that. The way I see it, my boyfriend and I are great together, but if I got hit by a truck tomorrow, he would eventually find someone else who's great with him. The Frisky: The Loner Gets Talked Into Speed Dating
Really, the biggest fallacy of dating is the idea that every single date or relationship better prepares you for this mythical Soul Mate. A jerk who dumps you for your best friend, or someone who lies to you, or a man who hits you — they are all supposed to teach you some big, valuable lesson. It's a very can-do, optimistic, American idea. "Make lemonade out of lemons!" "Find the silver lining!" If you don't find the silver lining, you're not trying hard enough. The Frisky: MERRIMe, A New Web Comedy About Online Dating
I think that just because a relationship doesn't end with marriage doesn't make it a waste of time. I recently found out that my best female friend and I didn't work out as a couple so we decided to go back to being friends. I am glad that we dated and I am sure that the experience helped me grow as a person.
I totally agree. Dating for the sake of dating does not make you a better person or necessarily force growth. Sometimes, all it does is add to your neuroses and paranoia. Can we all just be honest for a minute or two? Dating is hell. Period. It may be a necessary evil for most people, but it doesn't add to your overall quality of life or wisdom in any way.
I suppose that all the bad dates didn't both me so much...because at least they kept life interesting, and left me with some good stories.
I did -- at one point -- find myself in an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship, which was excruciating and devastating and interfered with my life in a big way. But I don't even regret it. It made me strong in a way I wasn't before, and acted as a catalyst for some major, positive change in my life. And I'm grateful for that, as awful as the experience was.
I think we can learn something from bad experiences, but we shouldn't put ourselves into bad experiences just to learn. If you know a situation is bad, the best thing to do is flee. Not stick around for things to get better. That's what I learned from a bad relationship.
I think with each relationship, I learned more about what I wanted in a relationship and what kind of guy. I think I needed to learn at least once what a jerk is like and how to see through him. But I agree with the author, years and years of that isn't going to make you an enlightened being.
