The serial monogamist turned healthy dater

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Lisa a late 20-something, ivy league MBA'er with a career that is skyrocketing and luxurious locks celebs pay thousands of dollars per year to have, not to mention has a host of winning friends, an adorable apartment and a loving family. Getting guys to commit to her, also not a problem. From the outside looking in, life is easy breezy for Lisa. Her problem though is that she stays in relationships that are no good for her months and even years after her radar detector goes off signaling that her Mr. Right is actually Mr. Wrong. With the last one her ring finger was sparkling with a big rock and she had already decided on wedding invites when that one finally fell to pieces.

 

That's when I came into the picture. Together, Lisa and I laughed (and occasionally she cried) our through her relationships - 5 long term boyfriends with not longer than a week break in between. We dissected each one, talking about the highs and the lows because Lisa never gave herself the respect to look in the rear-view mirror of love and assess the learnings from each of experiences... which essentially made her feel that they were all a big waste of time and that she was a failure at love.

 

Lisa began to construct a list - a list of wants and needs from a man. Her non-negotiables... what was going to work for her in her co-piloted life and what wouldn't, based on her experiences. And then Lisa committed for the first time in her adult life to non-committment. To just dating for awhile - to see how she felt without having to be in what she uncovered were all codependent relationships.

 

She loved it! She thrived in the dating playground. I taught Lisa for the first time actually how to date in a healthy way and in the process how to value her own needs. She met wonderful men, had adventurous experiences, learned a ton about herself, and made some fabulous friends along the way.

 

After a year of intentional dating, Lisa is now exclusively seeing someone that I totally approve of - so far he meets all of her criteria... and I am so proud of and happy for her.

 

 

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Tristan Coopersmith

Marriage and Family Therapist

Tristan Coopersmith, M.A. MFTi
www.tristancoopersmith.com

Location: Hermosa Beach, CA
Credentials: BA, MA, MFTI
Other Articles/News by Tristan Coopersmith:

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