Just because your parts fit, doesn't mean you have to put them to use. Or does it?
It's the aged old question—does he want to be friends or is he hoping one night I have one too many beers and my clothes slip off?
Despite CNN's 83% "yes" vote in favor of male and female friendships, there are generally two popular schools of thought on such an issue. 1.) Yes, of course men and women can be just friends. (says the woman) And 2.) Are you insane? Men want to sleep with anything moving and halfway decent and unfortunately you fall into that category. (says the man.)
"I'll be crying my eyes out and will say, 'I'm fat and ugly, and I don't have a boyfriend,'" Suzanne Babb, a 34-year-old professional organizer from Gilbert, Arizona says. "Then Eric will come over and tell me I'm pretty, and we'll watch 300. It's like having all the benefits of a really great husband—without having to do the laundry."
Is laundry a euphemism for sex? Male companionship sans the drama?
While we've all had male friends who are strictly platonic, it's always been because physical chemistry is lacking. Which is the nice way of saying we have no desire to see them naked.
Let's face it, someone we can be friends with who we're also physically attracted to is basically the perfect relationship, right?
Which is why many people harbor jealous feelings for a significant other's opposite gender best friend. And if they're hot? Forget about it.
"People project onto another person something they would do," Dr. Bonnie Jacobson, a New York City clinical psychologist and author of Love Triangles: Seven Steps to Break the Secret Ties That Poison Love says. "If Tom says to Sally, 'I don't want you to hang out with Harry,' it's very likely Tom feels he would violate that boundary [if he were in the same situation], so he imagines his wife will, too."
This whole "projection" analysis has always messed with our heads. While forbidding your man or woman to see a friend is over-the-top possessive in and of itself, being suspicious of another person's motives doesn't mean you'd in fact cheat in your own relationship, does it?
This could just mean you don't trust this "friend's" intentions or you'd rather not torture yourself thinking of the dirty thoughts your boyfriend or girlfriend may be thinking while in the presence of an undeniably sexy "best friend." Maybe it's just a lack of self-confidence for mankind in general.
The article also addresses the hazards of telling a male friend you're "in love" with them. (Yikes)
Valerie Faltas, a 29-year-old property-tax expert from Pasadena, California bypassed the whole first-step-drunk-kiss and went straight for the Meg Ryan romance story line.
"When we first met, I wasn't attracted to him at all, but we had such a natural connection that we became really close," she says. "And then one day it hit me: I was in love. I acknowledged the elephant in the room, and he totally freaked out. He completely checked out of the friendship."
Oh, what complicated fools these mortals be. Like everything else, what works on one, may completely backfire on another. People are so finicky.
So perhaps a golden rule to (mostly) live by: If you start to feel those fluttery, fuzzy feelings for your best friend it may be time to discover the wonderful world of Match.com.