The Porn Bailout

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porn bailout
Larry Flynt and Joe Francis say the porn industry needs $5 billion from the government.

Are the good times in officially in the rearview mirror? Huffington Post (and every other news outlet, fun-loving or otherwise) reports that Hustler's Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild's Joe Francis think that the government ought to inject about $5 billion into the porn industry. They're demanding a porn bailout. And we assume they mean real dollars, not the ones that you can only use at the strip club.

Larry Flynt says, "With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind. It's time for Congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America." Jo-Jo Francy-Pants just thinks that the jugs and wieners business deserves some of lady liberty's sweet, sweet bounty. Word on the street is that porn sales have fallen some 22% and it is thought that amateur porn sites (Redtube, et al) have provided the stiff competition. So, Francis and Flynt have decided to double-team congress into submission.

While the TMZ videos make it seem like Francis and Flynt want to use the USA like an ATM, I have a feeling that this is all a little tongue-in-cheek. Even if this isn't verbal masturbation, do they really think they're going to get a slice of that pie? Girls Gone Wild proved you only need a camera, a light, a modicum of privacy, a lack of inhibitions and a bunch of horny guys (production value is for suckers) to make porn. A 5-day porn shoot in LA can probably be made in a night in Miami (or 5-in-a-night on spring break). In fact, anyone who can't find free porn on the interwebs should have his (or, in 1 out of 1,000 cases, her) Ethernet card revoked. Sure, there's possibility of malware donkey punching your computer but spyware and anti-virus software is cheaper than a subscription to Hustler mag or the GGW membership. Besides it's easier to hide porn in a directory entitled "Photos Of Elephantiasis" than under a mattress or in a hollowed out Bible.

 
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