How The Recession Forever Changed Relationships
Examining the economic downturn's effects on how we find and show love.
With strapped wallets, tightened belts and the national unemployment rate nearing double-digits, we can only hope that rumors of the recession's demise prove true—and soon. Here at YourTango, we wanted to know how the economic downturn in the U.S. has affected dating, marriage, sex and family already, and which of these changes will stick when the recession's over.
Getting Hitched
Andrew Cherlin, author of The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today, says that since people tend to pull together during a crisis, it wouldn't be surprising to see an overall rise in the marriage rate when the recession's waved the white flag. But, the longer the downturn continues, the more people become discouraged and irritable, which takes a toll on relationships. Poll: How Has The Recession Affected Your Love Life?
"The sooner we can bring about an economic recovery, the more American families we can save from potential despair and divorce," Cherlin says.
Pepper Schwartz agrees that the recession could cause an uptick in new coupling. The sociology professor at the University of Washington in Seattle and author of Everything You Know About Love and Sex is Wrong, says, "People can get distracted by careers and other kinds of ambitions, but when things get tough, they really want a partner—somebody to face life with." Marriage Is Not Dead!
One thing that's certain: the weddings taking place in this recessed economy are more modest than they have been in years past. Carley Roney, cofounder of The Knot Inc. (a media company focused on weddings and marriage), says, "With these life events, there's a momentum that goes way beyond what's happening in the economy right now." She points out that couples are finding plenty of ways to cut costs, from hosting smaller weddings to celebrating on Friday nights instead of more in-demand, and therefore costlier, Saturdays. Meanwhile, those putting the wedding off may decide that living under the same roof—sans marriage certificate—is a better option. "Some people are saying, 'OK, it's time to move in together, because it's cheaper,'" Roney says.
That kind of thinking will be particularly pronounced among blue-collar workers who are seeing their jobs dry up, says Cherlin.
"Blue-collar men and women are still trying to marry, to live the American dream, so they start more partnerships and eventually enter into more marriages, but many of these relationships fail," he says. He predicts that more children may be born out of wedlock thanks to the turndown, as the number of cohabiting couples rises. Blue Collar Dates
Next: Will There Be A Baby Boom?
Discussion
Getting married into tight economy like this is not really a god idea. We all know that everyone has difficult times – whether it's an emergency expense like getting your car towed, or a medical emergency, and that's when some people could really use a low rate personal loan. A low rate personal loan for a few hundred dollars can be a real help in tough times, and bank overdraft fees are something you want to avoid. A short term personal loan, like other financial tools, is something you don't want to rely on long term – it's a short term solution for a short term problem, and long term solutions are best dealt with professional advice. So whether you want to call it a low rate personal loan, or payday loans, it's a tool for heading off emergencies.
I definitely agree that times like these will make you realize what's more important in life. It's not about seeing how fast you can make money and spend it,it's about being with the people you love and spending more time showing that love with the important gestures like actually saying "I love you" or giving them hugs and kisses or finding some activities to do together that don't involve big showy things like fancy restaurants or extravagant gifts. Because when we leave this world we can't take those things with us,but when we have REAL love,that will last through eternity and nothing can destroy that.
Just a reaction to the title - I seriously doubt the recession has forever changed relationships. People have been through hard times before.
The example that leaps to my mind is AIDS. I remember predictions that now people would stop having casual sex. Everyone would be more monogamous. Sex would become something that only went with love. Anyone think that sounds like Generation 2000?
Honestly, the recession has affected us tremendously. I was the one hit hardest by the recession, luckily my husband still has his job (although he's missed out on raises and bonuses thanks to the recession). But it has taught us a lot about saving money, setting and keeping priorities and what really matters. I used to buy presents for everyone all the time. I can't do that now, so I send cards. Surprisingly my friends and family still love me without all of those gifts.
Also, I think something this generation is learning is about the value of using your time wisely. So many people criticize laid off workers for going on vacations or enjoying themselves. But honestly, if you've sent out 200+ resumes and counting and done everything you can, there is nothing wrong with saying, "I've been given a gift of time, instead of freaking out and sitting at home and looking for jobs, I am going to take this gift and do something enriching with it."
I admire that. I think this generation is learning that life doesn't owe us anything and anything we have or get or experience, we have to make that happen.
I'm one of those people who is very surprised when I read about a laid-off person going on vacation. I think it is a sign that:
a) the recession hasn't hit them that hard yet. Either they are being supported by someone else or they are getting unemployment benefits. Or they were fairly wealthy to start with and have some savings.
and/or
b) They are in denial and are setting themselves up for possible financial disaster. If you don't have a job, you need to spend less than your income until you get another one.
I do think it makes sense to enjoy going to the park or anything free, however. And if you didn't really need the income, if may make sense to have a kid and stay home for few years as some women are doing.
I don't really thinks that's such a fair statement. As a single parent (who has never recieved a dime of child support or welfare) I was laid off and still took my vacation. The recession hit me before I lost my job (I was on commission) and losing my job was a total surprise. Two weeks later I took my sister with me on my daughter's first road trip and we stayed gone almost a week. I am not rich except in spirit I suppose. I do not have wealthy family nor do I come from a famous family. And trust me, unemployment does not fund vacation.
I do not feel I was set up for any kind of financial disaster. I planned this trip for over 4 years. Maybe instead of putting someone in what might be your position had you done this, you should try stepping into someone else's shoes. I saved up for my trip and didn't even use all of the money that was set aside for it. Maybe there are other people who have done the same thing even though all you see is a jobless mooch enjoying someone else's money. I don't regret my vacation. I'm 28 years old and I've worked since I was 14, my last vacation was when I was 17 (I paid for it myself also). I've made tentitive plans to do the same thing in 2010, whether or not I'm employed.
Recession doesn't mean everyone is stupid with their money or that money has to change the way we behave.
You sound like you had planned ahead and had the money already in hand. That makes a difference.
I read a newspaper article recently about a woman who is deeply in debt and had used her credit card to fly off on a vacation. She had made spending cuts, but she also had a child in private school (probably due to learning disabilities). The woman and her ex-husband had both lost their jobs. At some point, they could run out of money for their mortgage and lose their house, too. Because we are in a recession, there is no guarantee that she will get a job at her old income level, ever.
I don't know if I would have the wisdom to readjust my expenses if we lost income. I do know that some people are going from middle class to bankrupt or homeless surprisingly fast. There are a lot of reasons for this - credit card debt, no savings, high mortgage payments, and not being able to sell your house and move. I think another factor that sometimes contributes to the problem is that people thought they would get another job soon and didn't have plans about what to do if they didn't.
So I guess I would say, you seem to have planned well for your vacation. In general, though, if someone has lost their job and they think it's going to be hard to get another one, it is not smart to spend money on a vacation unless you have savings or another source of income. That's not a judgment of anybody's moral worth, it's economics.
I agree. I think people going on vacations or trips in a recession or on unemployment is a way to maximize and capitalize on an unfortunate situation. I know most people want the unemployed to sit around and mope and job hunt, but the jobs aren't out there and moping gets you no where. Taking a trip gives you a chance to do something you couldn't when you had a regular 9-5. And Symian, I see what you did as an empowering step. You didn't let your circumstances get you down. You rose above them and made memories.
Go you!
Many years ago, I struggled to find full-time employment. A couple of years later, my husband did as well. Unemployment was actually high at that time, especially for recent college grads.
We did not sit around and mope all day - or when we did, it was a bad sign. We applied for jobs and sent out resumes, but when we had done that, we did have free time to swim or explore our neighborhood. However, we did not go on trips.
We simply could not afford it. We were not eligible for unemployment since we had not yet been employed. We did not have credit cards. We had to save the money we had to pay for food and rent, etc. We were lucky that we had money.
So I end up thinking, if you're unemployed and you're going on vacation, you probably have money coming from somewhere else. If not, unless you saved up for it ahead of time like Symian, you must be borrowing money. That is not a good idea.
There really are people out there who have lost their job who are not going on vacation because they simply can't afford it. They're struggling to keep it together.
Great points, Lyz.
I think your second point about using your time wisely, doing what you can when you can as opposed to when society thinks you should be doing it, ties into the idea in this article that couples will be less inclined to see "buying a home" as a follow-up to marriage, if the marriage itself even happens. I know some people from an older generation might look at this fact & shake their heads, but I find this to be progress.
I don't believe in getting married unless you love each other and want to be married, etc.
However, from a financial point of view, marriage is a great deal. So if you can live without an expensive wedding, the recession might make a couple that lives together think about marriage.
Also, I think the recession brings home the economic security that comes from being part of a economic partnership or team. If you lose your job, you have a back-up source of income. Charlotte and Miranda really wouldn't pay your living expenses until you found a job, no strings attached.
As far as buying a house goes, now may be a good time for it. The housing bubble has burst so prices are more reasonable. Interest rates are low. I know one couple that bought for the first time now that the prices are down, one that traded up to a nicer house/better neighborhood, and one that decided to invest in a house to rent out. I guess it depends where you live and what your situation is, but I don't think the recession is going to keep people from buying houses for long.
There are two good reasons to buy if you can and if the housing market is sane: a) you are going to pay rent anyway, you're just throwing money down the drain, and b) the tax break is huge (do a pretend tax return on this). This is where I agree with Sex and the City for once - why wait until you get married to buy? Single people should think seriously about buying a place to live for themselves. So you might get married and not need the place someday. So you sell it or rent it out.
