Want Love? Take Initiative. Here's Why.
What makes a match click is still a mystery, but it may come down to who pursues whom first.
On our quest to figure out what works (and doesn't) when it comes to meeting men we like, we tend to make very crude gender generalizations. For example, men are shameless whores who find all women desirable, while ladies are finicky and particular, only accepting dates and sexual invitations from men who fit what they want long-term.
But what if those assumptions aren't due to biology, but to socialization? A recent study by Finkel & Eastwick revealed that dating might be very different if we didn't expect guys to be "men of action," asking for our number, inviting us out, initiating the kiss. If women were the ones doing the approaching and the choosing, perhaps we would be happier with the men we met. Gender Differences At Restaurants
The team tracked 350 college students taking part in speed dating. Traditionally the men get up and circulate the girls (women mustn't move, they have purses, the researchers explain) and when this was the case the men were consistently more smitten with the girls. However, when women were forced to get up and make the rounds, while men sat and looked pretty, the opposite was true. Speed Dating Dos and Don'ts
The researchers found that the speed daters who approached their partners relative to those who stayed sitting would experience a greater romantic desire and chemistry toward their partners, and were more likely to respond, 'Yes, I would see this person again' to their partners. In other words, the people who rotated from person to person were less selective than those sitting, regardless of which gender was doing the rotating.
So what can we glean from this? That if we aren't finding any good men it's perhaps because we're not pursuing enough of them? Speed-dating scholars (didn't know those existed, did ya?) aren't jumping to conclusions, except to say that more research is needed to determine if choosiness is gendered or not. In the meantime, we're going with the best of both worlds: actively pursuing a lot of men, so we're likely to find one we like, and assuming that most men find us attractive (a little self-confidence can't hurt, right?). What A Man Sees When You're Naked
Discussion
I remember reading an older thought experiment on choosing a mate. Basically, if you are the one proposing marriage, you are more likely to end up with someone high on your list of preferences. If you have to wait and reject the ones you don't like, you don't get someone as high on your list. Maybe this is why women are more likely to initiate divorce?
