Online dating is haaaaaaaaard. But new research suggests that if you're not having any luck finding love on the Internet, you just aren't using the right words in your profile. Like "zombies" and "atheist"—apparently, just two of the "hot words" for today's single people.

According to a hilarious study by online dating site OkCupid, people who mentioned those words were more likely to get a date. (The site skews pretty young, which explains why you might find more references to "Shawn of the Dead" than, say, a Roth IRA.) So basically, godless, horror-film-geek cowboys are getting all the Internet action. What's that? This doesn't describe you at all?

Never fear! With this information in mind, we've come up with a few cheats for those important first messages exchanged in online dating. Lemondrop: Charity Case—How Do I Politely Stalk My Crush?

Robots
It stands to reason if somebody is looking for girl with a thirst for zombie blood, fear of a robot uprising will probably also catch his beady, bespectacled eyes.

Pirates vs. Ninjas
This age-old Web debate is a little played out, but that's only because people so foolishly side with ninjas! Clearly, pirates are better. (They at least have access to rum and limes.) Do you know what you can make with rum, limes and a little sugar? Daiquiris, just like Papa Hemingway used to drink. Deeee-licious. Case closed.

Religion
On non-Christian dating sites, the study found mentioning God to be a big turn-off, but references to Allah or Jesus were fine. Maybe if you want to express your Christianity, you could say, "Jesus was way cool." Otherwise, remember that, for most guys, godlessness translates directly to "easy like the Monday crossword."

Apocalypse Survival
Saying you're into killing zombies is probably the new "I love watching football" when it comes to guy turn-ons. So mentioning that you own a sharpened machete (the best doomsday-scenario weapon for its durability, relatively light weight and good size), have a strong immune system and know how to run a generator are probably all pluses. Plus, you're useful on camp-outs.

Video Games
It's pretty clear by this point we're marketing ourselves to nerds. What do they want to hear? Try: 1) I frakking* love "Halo," even if it totally controls my life, or 2) I frakking* love bringing dudes frosty cold ones while they play "Halo," seriously. Lemondrop: Would You Wear Outrageou$$$ Undies For Your Man?