Sober Dating: How To Date Without Drinking
Single and sober? Stay healthy with advice and tips on dating without alcohol.
You don't want to know the ludicrous number of possible love connections I've squashed by getting sloshed on a first or second date. The things that have come out of my mouth—both figuratively and literally—on nights out with strangers make me want to crawl into the cozy cocoon of my bed and stay there.
So it's probably—no, definitely—smart that in 2006 I decided to give up drinking. I'd had enough embarrassing nights out; I'd woken up beside more than my fair share of unattractive strangers, and was, in turn, more than ready to bid farewell to the drunken rants, crying jags and battles with lovers, friends, cab drivers, cashiers and waiters. I also thrilled at the notion of never having another hangover. (Seriously, my hangovers were baaaaaad.) Give advice: Drunk texting nightmare, can I remedy a bad impression?
I'm not sure whether I classified as an alcoholic. I didn't have to drink every day, though most days I did. Sometimes alcohol helped me relax and have fun. Sometimes it turned me into a yelling, crying beast. And there was no way to tell, when I was tossing back a vodka soda, which me would emerge that night.
But when I said goodbye to alcohol and its commensurate drama, I didn't intend to bid farewell to dating. I saw my romantic future shimmering atop a cotton candy cloud of contentment and stability. Once I was sober and ready, Mr. Right would surely be waiting for me, albeit at the local coffee shop instead of the next bar stool.
It sucked to discover that alcohol-free dating was still, well, dating: an ouchy dance of anticipation, expectations and artifice. And for those of us who don't drink, dating can be even more of a mixed bag. Why? Because in case you missed the memo, most Americans are all about alcohol. We meet for happy hour at 5 p.m., dine with wine at 7 p.m., meet lovers at a bar later on, and make every excuse to have another round. And we don't always do it gracefully—about 18 million Americans have alcohol problems, but only 1.5 million have been treated for them. Yes, it's depressing; almost makes you want to hit the bottle. Just kidding.
So here are some tips to help you navigate the wild world of dating without drinking. If nothing else, you'll remember the sex afterward—and, hopefully, actually like the people you wake up with the next morning.
Discussion
not only is my name laura (like the author's), but i easily could have written this article, hands down. i'm sober and happy--for 2+ years. it took a long time to get here...i had many a night of blacking out, waking up to strangers, getting lost in big cities, ending up in hospitals, losing phones/cameras/IDs/money/sanity. but boy am i happy to be here. i'm much more confident and happy and stable now. if a guy has a problem with my lifestyle, he's not the one for me. however, i'll admit i get nervous dating sober and not having anything to soothe my nerves except for myself...and having to tell someone i don't drink usually spurs questions...which i'm happy to answer but usually feel like i'm oversharing. any other sober ladies on here date sober guys? i find i haven't really wanted to date someone in my position--too much baggage/drama? i don't know. i'm still figuring stuff out. i might give one of those websites a try though--since obviously the bar scene is not only an obvious NO for me, but it gets old even to drinkers.
on a completely random note, my avatar kind of looks like me. except my eyes aren't that wide apart...hello hammerhead shark!
I think that if you're drinking to the point where you don't remember the person you wake up to in the morning you have a problem anyway. I've enjoyed alcohol for the better part of 20 years and I've never forgotten a night and I've never ended up with a stranger.
Alcohol doesn't make life more fun, you simply are able to see things from a different (not always better) perspective. And not everyone uses it as a crutch. Some of us simply like the taste of gin every so often.
I say, what ever works is what you should do, but like everything else, it should be done in moderation.
There are times when I feel like drinking and other times when I could care less. I have been on both sides. I have been the one to say that I sometimes I don't drink and have actually had a lot of people call the date right then and there. I actually had one guy say "I knew there was something wrong with you, I just couldn't figure it out". Pretty stupid if you ask me. I have also dated people who didn't drink at all and then they got mad at me for having a couple of beers.
To me, it is a personal choice, just like saying you're a vegitarian. I can relate to "needing" a drink to date. I have done that a few times. I was much younger then. I think it had more to do with my insecurities with myself and needing acceptance from the other person. Now, I am older, I am wiser, and if you don't like me just the way I am, then you can go find an insecure, young drunk to have fun with. ;o)
Absolutely. It effects or limbic system, where behavior and an assortment of other functions reside, but it is also interconnected with the brains pleasure center. People who drink and associate it with fun and pleasure are more seceptable to abuse alcohol. Not that this article is about that, but people do what feels good, and what they believe makes them "more fun".
As a society, it is sad that most people find it impossible to have fun soberly (is that a word? lol). But what's even more sad is that if you aren't drinking, most people will shun you. I truly think the use of alcohol to have more fun stems from personal insecurities. And I say this only about the topic on hand.
Wow...I'm not a heavy drinker by any standards so I've done many a date over coffee and the like...but do people really feel that much trepidation over telling another person they don't drink? A lot of on-line dating sites usually have a little box that you can check off if you drink or don't drink, so it should be no surprise when you go on the date and find out the other doesn't drink.
I guess I've always seen drinking as a personal choice. Choosing not to drink, whether for the night or for life, shouldn't be something to feel nervous or anxious about...but I've never been around anyone who is dealing with alcoholism or with the mindset that by drinking you are proving something about yourself.
That's because you're well adjusted and normal :) It's a shame really.
My DH doesn't drink and he often complains about how people just don't seem to understand and continually offer him drinks when he says "no I don't drink." or the few people who "joke" that they are going to MAKE HIM DRINK.
I've been pleasantly surprised with how many men are interested in taking walks or meeting for coffee on the first couple dates. The whole Wellness movement is really catching on, and many men are happy to give up alcohol on dates. Plus, it's expensive. Times are tough. A date at a bar that involves two drinks can be upwards of $60- $75. Try doing that twice a week when you're unemployed.
FREIND REQUEST ME ON FACEBOOK -http://www.facebook.com/christanmarashio
FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER FOR CAREER & DATING TIPS/ARTICLE- http://twitter.com/Moxieinthecity
READ OUR DATING ADVICE BLOG HERE: http://www.AndThatsWhyYoureSingle.com
