The Scourge That Is Couples Skating

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neglect, new relationship
It's a really good policy to not neglect your friends when starting a new relationship.

Do you know what couples skating is? I'm sure you do. I'm sure that you've been both perpetrator and victim of this nefarious practice. Now that we all know we're in the same boat, let's discuss what couples skating is and is not.

Couples skating is not turning figure eights on an icy surface. Couples skating is neglecting your friends. Couples skating is not doing the now-outlawed Detroiter for the delight of fans and scorn of judges. Couples skating is spending five weekend in a row at home. Couples skating is not performing the legendary Iron Lotus. Couples skating is turning off your ringer, popping some corn and watching a triple feature from the couch. In fact, couples skating is not even an Olympic sport, that's Pair Skating. Couples skating is willfully ignoring all other outside friends, family and after-hours work functions for the glorious benefit of romantic interest.

 

I know, I know, "hey, numbnuts, that's what love is, numbnuts." Agreed. But hanging out with just one person (unless you live in Peoria, IL where there is only like one other cool person) is not good. It's not good for your friendships and it's not good for your relationship.

Sure, as a couple, you're allowed (by both federal statute and the bro code) to leave a party, bar or other social event early in order to "go to bed early" or any other contrivance that directly translates to "two-person, pajamas-optional pajama party." But you showed up and, per Woody Allen, that's 90% of life. Presumably, in this scenario, the other 10% is mingling and not looking back each other and mouthing the word "hi" every 2 – 3 minutes. 

Listen, I know that even as a mature, rational adult you're reasonably sure that no one, in the history of mankind, has ever felt the way you do about your counterpart (feel free to sing "Wonderwall"). And that the hoi polloi, proletariat and bourgeois (AKA your best friends up until Mr. / Ms. Wonderwall came into your life) cannot possibly understand what you got going on and may try to sabotage you out of insane jealousy if they did. I get it, man. But for just two shakes of a lamb's moneymaker put your feet in their shoes ("flip the script" as they say in Peoria, IL). Remember when your BFF started kicking it like Jackie Chan with that guy/ girl from her/ his office? Sure, you were a little jealous but you were more happy for her/ him and wanted to get to know Wonderall better but you also needed to spend some quality time with said BFF sans new relationship partner.

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