Does Porn Make The Man?
Is a guy's taste in pornography really a window to his soul?
Our rivals, friends and sometimes lovers over at Lemondrop have a very interesting take on what a guy's porn tastes say about his personality and predilections. The gist (heh) is that a dude's interest in porn (if he has one, I think the assumption that all men interested in sex are into porn is a bit overblown) generally has a subtler message than you'd guess. The whole thing is metaphor. A dude who likes watching the rough stuff (leather, handcuffs, really mean women, et cetera) may not really want an Amazon to literally step on his junk.
Sounds reasonable, right? Read: What Does His Porn Collection Say About Him?
The funny thing is that subtext may be receiving too much credit in some cases (globally, not just in porn, because sometimes the old man is just an old man and sometimes the seas is just a sea). For instance, an Asian fetish (whose slang nickname is, evidently, highly offensive to many Asian women) may mean that a guy likes tidiness, compliance and physical dominance. On the other hand, he may really dig the petite, exotic (to a westerner) look of a lady from the East (he may even really appreciate strong SAT scores… that's called positive racism, I believe).
Every guy who has a porn stash does dread (to varying degrees) having it found (check out another good one from Lemondrop on that little trip down memory lane). With the interweb the way it is today (70 – 95% porn, that is) and with the bulk of the content produced by amateurs and available for free, it's entirely possible for a guy with a lick (heh) of computer know-how to be totally uncatchable when it comes to his porn-viewing. His laptop may come (heh) down with virtual scabies but that's fixable.
While it's good to give the benefit of the doubt about truly weird porno (the stuff you can't send through the US mail), it's perfectly natural to jump to conclusions when you start typing on a borrowed computer (or, Siddhartha forbid, your computer that a friend borrowed) and get the auto fill-in for outstandingshemaleorgyextravaganza dot net. It's worth considering that he (or she, women probably consume one-one thousandth of the weird porn) may just be interested in exploring the feminine side of his/her sexuality.
Please keep in mind that the biggest difference between a porn stash and a porn 'stache is this: dudes with a sweet Mark Spitz look are absolutely dying for you to ask them about it.
Any good porn discovery stories out there?
Discussion
[FYI Tthis all just happened Sunday morning. & to try to better understand my feelings or thoughts about it, I decided to look up info on BING about the topic of guys & porn. Oddly ((or should I say Ironically?)) enough your article and both you guys came up talking about it. : ) ]
OMG!!! This is hilllllllarious. I happened to get curious when I'm in my boyfriends' room. I can't believe, I actually end up snooping around. And What do I find? Nothing- incriminating. Just porn. And I can't help but feel confussed about it. Not about the porn, but my feelings on finding it.
I just think it's strange that he's buying cd's of porn (It's only 2). Maybe guys don't see it as a waste? Idk. But I'm trying to figure out what his taste in porn says about him. If it says anything at all. AT LEAST it's not gay porn ( HUGE sigh of relief). I also found playboy stuff (Only 3 Mags), one of which, is a Natural edition with chicks that aren't "Fake". To where I find a girl that has the same body type as mine. (The cover girl)
Now please, somebody explain to me! Why does he have to look at another girl that looks like me?!?! AM I not enough!?!? And why the hell do I feel so half/n half about this? Part of me thinks, E, It's just porn. Guys have to have it, it's almost like...equal to oxygen. Don't trip mama! And the other half is just insanely jealous and pissed that he's checking out other chicks and possibly beating off to them/their images.
I'm just being way honest here. But F- it. I have to say, naturally, I am laughing about it because I know this is just something guys do, oooogle at naked chicks. But for some reason, and I'm ok with admitting it's stupid- or arrogant- or even naive--But I thought my naked body was the last stop, and "the end all & be all" of naked chicks! Damn it.
I'm sorry guys, I'm just frustrated. I don't get it. : (
Help me understand! Or at least give me a guy's perspective.
I think once you have had a chance to cool down and can talk honestly but somewhat calmly, you need to talk to your boyfriend. You want to find out what he thinks about porn and let him know how you feel as well. The difficult thing is you want to do it in a way that isn't attacking, just opening up. Perhaps you could start by telling him that you aren't angry, just confused about your feelings and that you know they aren't perfectly rational. If he gets defensive and attacks you, seriously consider suggesting a break from the conversation and having it later.
By the way, don't feel bad that your reaction isn't rational. You're human, we're all contradictory. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to what couples should do about porn, it's something the two of you have to work out. Just be sure you're not being a hypocrite - if you read erotica/romances or have sexual fantasies without him you're doing something very similar.
A few thoughts on why - Perhaps he wants sex more often than you do. There's nothing wrong with supplementing your couple sex. Perhaps he finds it more convenient to pleasure himself sometimes - he can do it more quickly and easily than partner sex. Masturbating while you are in a relationship is very, very normal.
And why not - it is NOT because he doesn't love you. It is NOT because he doesn't desire you. It is NOT because you are somehow not enough. It has nothing to do with how hot, good-looking, or skilled you are.
I at one point had asked this very question to myself concerning my husband.
I don't know how many times I felt like there was something wrong with me every time I found out he had looked at porn. I really tried to understand it. If anyone else is having this issue, there is a great book out there called, "Love and Pornography," by Victoria Prater and Garry Prater.
http://gethelpwithporn.com/
Because of the Compassionate Communication techniques shown in this book for resolving issues at a personal level, we not only solved our issues with porn but we now have a better relationship all around.
I do conventions, business meetings, expos, stuff like that for a living by providing the tech they need to pull it off, be it PCs, sound systems, lighting, projectors, etc.
We had some international environmental group in about 9 years ago. One room needed a laptop and asked for it last minute, so I agreed to put my personal one in for the presenters to use.
Afterwards I saw the keynote speaker for that session and another guy were discussing something by the podium with my laptop. I gave them time to get through what ever it was and grabbed it when they left, which they curiously shut down. When I powered it back on in the office and checked out the browser history I found at least 4 russian porn sites and 3 russian mail order bride sites!
The thoughts were something along the lines of "Oh $h*t my laptop must have cyber herpes by now!"
To my boss who talked me into it I simply said, "Never again."
Thank god they never had any real private time with my laptop. *shudder*
