There's no better way to get everybody fighting than to bring up the "having kids" or "not having kids" debate. The so-called "mommy wars" are a surefire way to make everybody defensive!
But the discussion gets the nastiest and most infuriating when women with kids accuse women sans kids of being "selfish"—which happened repeatedly in the comment section when I posted a joke-y list last week—"10 Reasons Not To Have Kids Now...Or Ever"—which was pegged to Cameron Diaz talking about childless women. Read: Why Having Children May Wreck A Marriage
Frankly, I was surprised some commenters even went there with the word "selfish." After all, isn't one of the upshots of feminism supposed to be that women have more choices than ever before and each of us is free to do what makes us happy?
Let me be clear: I respect whatever other women choose to do because I'd want them to respect what I choose to do. Kids, no kids, puppies, iguanas, I don't care what your choice is. But I do care about the kind of judgments us women make against one another. And instead of reading the comments on my post and making judgments, I kept having one recurring thought:
Really, what's so wrong with being selfish? Read: True Tales of Sex After Kids
- Women should be allowed to care about pleasing ourselves—and only ourselves—without being judged. What is wrong with a woman being selfish? Really. Think about it for a second. Why shouldn't we be selfish if it means we're meeting our own needs and taking care of ourselves? What's wrong with caring more about bringing pleasure to your own life than anything else? It should not be as controversial as it apparently is for women to think of themselves first if they are not hurting anyone.
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