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16 Reasons To Date A Convict

Dating a prisoner might not be such a bad idea.

After checking out ConjugalHarmony.com, a mock online dating site feigning to connect prisoners with those on the outside, we gave the convict-dating phenomenon some closer inspection. The result? There are clearly a bunch of reaons not to date a man behind bars (enforced long-distance relationship, depression at his non-voter status in certain states... him being a CONVICT), but there are also some potential perks. Check them out.

1. If/when he gets out, he'll be an expert at doing laundry.

2. He'll likely have buff prison muscles.

3. He'll never leave his socks on the floor or the toothpaste uncapped.

4. The once-a-month conjugal visit sex will be amazing, given all that pent-up sexual energy.

Watch: 3 Ways To Squeeze In More Sex

5. You'll never be called his "ball and chain."

6. You only have to shave your legs once a month.

7. If you buy him baked goods from the grocery story and claim they're yours, he'll never know the difference.

8. You get to sleep in the middle of the bed.

9. The "I've been thinking of leaving my toothbrush and a change of underwear at your place" conversation never has to happen.

10. The remote's all yours. Read: Why Guys Control the Remote (& Other Stereotypes)

11. You can live out your Wentworth Miller Prison Break fantasy.

12. If you're into exhibitionism you can pretend the guards are listening in on you during your conjugal visits.

13. No worries about there being another woman. Another man? Now that's a different story.

14. You can perfect your love letter-writing skills.

15. Bringing him home to meet the family is not an option.

16. You'll always have one over him in an argument—"I may have cheated on you, but at least I'm not a convicted felon!"

Can you relate?

Discussion

snglmom3 Taken almost broken already
Posted July 13, 2009

Haha.. I worked at a Male Maximum Security prison for almost a year.. thought this was interesting. Especially #13.. so true. Even the "straight ones" have "business arrangements".. the only for sure that they aren't cheating is that they are in solitary and well.. you really don't want to date those guys. lol

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irock Complicated Haqqy Den Eva
Posted July 13, 2009

ha that something i know i can laugh at ha

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lovesguru Complicated
Posted June 11, 2009

YES I MUST SAY IT WAS MORE INSULTING FOR THE CONVICTS THAN COMEDY EXPECIALLY NUMBER 16 YEAH TRY THAT ONE IF YOU WANT..LOL THEY'LL BE GOING BACK TO JAIL/PRISON FOR KNOCK'N THE SH...T OUT OF YOU LOL

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Sasha McAfee Married
Posted June 6, 2009

ok that was stupid oh and offensive

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mccommons Complicated sweet
Posted May 29, 2009

Thats not funny

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Kataroo Single Glass half full girl.
Posted April 28, 2009

What a hoot! Although I don't know if any of these perks are for real, other than improving love letter-writing, if you love your man and he's in jail, I'm sure a few of these will get you through the loneliness.

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BigAl Taken
Posted April 27, 2009

Oh I don't know about dating someone who's in jail... These musings are funny though

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LeMaster Married I was born ready.
Posted April 27, 2009

I wonder how many of these benefits work for dating a female felon? All I know is if my wife goes to jail, I'll have to start cooking and cleaning.

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Lolita Single It all feels good.
Posted April 26, 2009

I think the conjugal visits would be amazing. The only question is do I have to start dating someone who is going to go to jail or someone who's already in prison?

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Alex Complicated No nonsense about love!
Posted April 23, 2009

Sign me up! So long as he didn't too anything really bad. Part of why I'm single is because I HATE sharing the remote.

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Lyz Married Community Manager
Posted April 24, 2009

That's why Hulu.com has been great for our marriage!

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Lyz Married Community Manager
Posted April 22, 2009

Oh Wentworth Miller! It's enough for me to frame my DH just so he can go to jail and we can spice things up.

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