10 Basic Rules For A New Relationship
Ten rules to help smooth the road with your new beau. Common sense? Yes. Commonly practiced? No.
The beginning of a relationship can be a tricky course to navigate. Guys (like me) aren't so good at guessing what women think or want, and our stupidity can lead to otherwise easily avoidable arguments. Setting some basic rules with your new flame may help you get past the small stuff and start enjoying your lives together.
Here are ten guidelines to smooth the road with your new beau.
1. P.D.A. regulation. People have different comfort levels when it comes to couples behavior in public. Find the line (holding hands, smooching, heated necking on the subway platform) and don't cross it. 7 Commandments For Showing Love In Public
2. One day a week. Decide on one day every week you can spend together, no one else invited. Everyone is busy; designating together-time is healthy for any relationship.
3. No suffocation. Being together is great—acting like conjoined twins is not. Respect each other's space and don't take it so seriously if he asks for some time to himself.
4. Don't talk about the future until it's time to talk about the future. Nothing freaks a guy out like the prospect of kids before he's actually ready to have them. Don't think he doesn't want to be with you if he shies away from the topic. He just enjoys the way things are and isn't quite ready to add a mini-me to the mix. Getting Your Guy To Talk About The Future
5. Forge friendships with your partner's pals… Not that you have to be one of the bros, but it's nice for him, and you, if feel comfortable around his buddies.
6. …But don't forget your own. Don't drop the friends who were with you before he showed up. Ditching the gals will lead to feelings of resentment and neglect, and if your relationship comes to an end, you'll want that circle of support.
7. Don't hide things. You don't need to tell him about the time you hooked up with your father's golf buddy, but it's a good idea to tell him you're still friends with your ex before he runs into the two of you on the street.
8. Loosen up. Don't start a fight because he glanced at the attractive girl that just walked by. Likewise, he shouldn't get worked up just because you said Jake Gyllenhaal is hot. It's not like either of you is trying to sleep with them (unless you are, in which case you should reevaluate your role in this twosome). His Wandering Eye. What Does It Mean?
9. Don't kiss and tell. This is a relationship, not an elongated one-night stand. There's no need to talk about what goes on in the bedroom at the water cooler.
10. No assumptions or guessing games. Don't force him to guess what you really mean by, "It's OK if we don't go out on my birthday." Being upfront with your feelings will prevent many conflicts.
Agree with my rules? Disagree? Have I missed anything? Let me know in the comments.
Discussion
SEAMAN, I agree, with with you.
I think unless your going to marry them, you should'nt MEET THE FAMILY!
i have 4 dating rules myself,
1. im not going to marry you
2. i,m not going to live with you
3. your NOT GOING to meet my family or vice/ versa
4. you dont scream unless theres a 'FIRE'
.
One of the best things about a new relationship is getting to know that person. But you need to be honest with that person as well. You need to let them know what you like and especially what you don't like. To us guys our friends are important to us, no matter how obnoxious they are, we aren't asking you to be best friends with them, just tolerate them some times. Because we tolerate your friends too. Ladies, please tell us what you want sometimes, cause we can't read your mind. Also too, when you think we aren't listening, we are. That's when we surprise you.
There might be a few who is willing to listen, but not all. how about when the women ask you all to be freinds with the women all you tends 2 fall in luv with dem,(its vise versal), & then you start ill treating your wife for that woman, isn't that hard? an if we open our mouth all you want 2 hit? An then you pack your things an leave. COMMUNICATION is 1 of the main key 2 any relationships, without that you have serious problems. In a marriage both of us need 2 go bac 2 where we start dating, make the relationship spicy. men when u home b4 d wife get sum petals throw it on d flow jus b4 wife c*m home, make her a candle light dinner, put on a robe wit sumting sexy under it, when she come go at d door an greet her with a kiss. make sure u have ur champagne on ice etc. Remember we doin our part so you hav 2 find away 2 keep that relationship/marriage. Add some life in it, save her from going out to another man/woman. Giving them monies, jewels, gifts is all to it, we need to see u an hav u around, helpin, ur undivided attention. But there are both women an men who wants 2 much.
Am a young lady
Don't kiss and tell, that advice is good for your whole life. Even when you're married there are things you just can't say about your hubby because well, you love him and if you air that dirty laundry it can't come back! And Tom, while it's a difficult rule, it's worth working on in my opinion!
Basic but applicable -- it really does take a level of strategy and restraint when starting to date someone -- as much as we wish that weren't the case. But, the benefit of that is it prepares you for being mindful in the relationship going forward and getting deeper, faster.
I love the tips about loosening up. It's natural to look at other people, or to have mini-crushes. And the one about forgetting your friends. I'm totally guilty of this--it's hard not to want to spend all your time with someone. One nice thing is to invite your friends to spend time with you new BF so they can meet him and see how great he is.
even though i am married, i gotta wonder (partly out of curiosity and partly for the single chicks out there) is how much mystery to deliberately maintain, ie how much "game" do you gotta maintain and for how long. so he texts you and you're holding your phone so you see it right away - do you have to deliberately wait so as not to appear overly eager or can you keep it real and text right back, etc.
???
some guys will tell us take all the space we need, but in the mean time wen you go out with your frenz an you come home late they make noise, but wen they go out an u do likewise they get angry. they figure you shouldn't ask them anything. Guys remember you are 2 different individual, u need 2 sit down an talk, if you afraid/ you may not remember write everything on paper ur likes an dislikes, she do likewise. then plan a day 2 discuss it. come to some conclusion & make the adjustments required.
Yeah, along with that, I think the "one day a week" rule is genius. My last relationship suffered because we saw each other too infrequently (and also because Queens is basically Guam) due to real estate and work schedules. Now, if only I'd *wanted* to spend a whole day with him...
Would it be totally wrong if i were to print this out and slip it underneath my roommates bedroom door? She is guilty of nearly everything and it is driving me crazy!
I like this advice. My favorite is to become friends with his friends.
That's really true, but I think it's just as important to keep your friends.
His friends aren't going to stand by you if the relationship goes downhill.
honestly I think they are all realistic rules even those added.. I find in my new relationship that being open in all aspects of my relationship helps alot. not only must you be honest with yourself you have to be honest with your mate. I especially agree iwht the one about having sceduled days together and a day apart. Me and my boyfriend have only one full day a week together the rest we are like two ships passing in the night but if a saturday ever comes and he doesnt want to spend it with me I wouldnt have a problem with it I would just call one of my girlfriends and go do something.
Great advice, but I'd add a rule - "Be brutally honest with yourself, always." You don't necessarily have to wear your entire heart on your sleeve in the early stages, but at least be completely honest with yourself. If there are elements, habits or issues that you have always deemed as deal-breakers, don't kid yourself about how important they are to you, just because you're having fun. "She's so hot, but I just can't see myself with a smoker." That constant self-awareness will eventually come out, either in words, actions or both, and the relationship will be better off in the long run, even if it doesn't ultimately go the distance romantically. And not kidding yourself will leave you open to the possibility (and likelihood) of meeting someone that does meet your most sacred criteria.
in addition to the day a week together rule, there should really be a day apart rule. new couples can be so obsessed with each other that they accidentally alienate all their friends and genuine interests and forget that they are individuals. for all parties involved, please take a day off!
Most of these rules are good, but I think it should be made clear to the ladies that we want them to get along with our guy friends, but not be too friendly with them. Some separation of church and state is good for a relationship, if you know what I mean.
So we're supposed to be ok with our new guy ogling girls in our presence, and tell ourselves that it's equivalent to our mentioning that some movie star who's completely outside our social circle who we will never meet looks good? This is so ridiculous.
I think I have to agree with you Kataroo. That in every relationship, as to friendship, love, family, etc. - manners do matter most. Be sensitive, mind your values, do not be selfish and self centered... Not saying that you have to be saint, but know how to accept your mistakes and improve on them. ^^
