How To Choose A Husband
Dating advice from a priest via The New York Times.
Trumping news of war, health, food, pets or fashion, the most e-mailed item currently on The New York Times' site is Maureen Dowd's column from July 6 called "An Ideal Husband."
In light of celebrity divorces stealing recent headlines, Dowd turned to a man whose motto on marriage would have to be "Do as I say, not as I do": a Catholic priest.
His advice is not of the "Thou shalt..." variety, in fact spirituality is mentioned only as a cautionary tale of the heartache experienced after the failed marriage of a devout Catholic and a devout Muslim. Instead he offers tidbits that, regardless of one's take on marriage or religion, serve as good guidelines for choosing a partner. To list a few:
- avoid mother-obsessed men
- a man with close friends and family signals an openness to intimacy
- watch out for financial inequality or irresponsibility
- laugh! a sense of humor is hugely important
That NYT readers were compelled to e-mail love and marriage advice during the past three days more than any other story reminds me of the tale about survivors of harrowing experiences, like war, who–more than anything else including the trauma itself–talk about the person they were crushing on or the one who got away during these times of stress. Ah, love.
Discussion
In fairness, the 10 points are essentially correct and there are men who can meet these standards. This is not about finding the "perfect" man, just one who meets what should be the minimum standards.
Unfortunately, the last part of the column says it all when the girls wail, "But you’ve eliminated everyone!" because it says a lot about the type of guy they are interested in - one who will impress their girlfriends. Such guys have no compelling reason to change because they are attracting women without any need to.
However, for women, qualities that will make a marriage successful are something they plan to work on after they've tied the knot and have his undivided attention. Then they are sure, a combination of withholding of sex and constant nagging should effect the changes needed!
I really have no sympathy for such divorced women.
Why does anyone take Maureen Dowd relationship advice seriously? She totally phoned that column in.