Are Stereotypes About Black Relationships True?
Perceptions and stereotypes on love, marriage, & race busted wide open.
What negative perceptions have you heard about black men and women?
"I've heard countless 'men ain't no good stories.' One reason I feel black men are scared of commitment is because they never learned how to love a woman. A lot of men and women are raised in broken homes, and these become our examples of what a relationship is." --MICHAEL, 44, Black, single
"I've heard black women are bitter and disappointed because they've met a brother who's not stepping up. Meanwhile Black men whine about the struggle of the black man and bring the fight back home, resentful if you're successful and feeling as if you have to be submissive so they can be the king somewhere." --SOLI, 46, Biracial, recently single
"I've heard that black men are no good and all black women care about is money. I've found that some black women are lost or just looking out for the money. But some of that comes from the type of women I've been dating." --PETER, 44, Black, divorced
"I've heard from black men I've dated that black women are 'tough'. But I've found that some of those men, didn't want to work at the relationship or in general." --ELLA, 38, White, single
Why are there so many negative myths about black men and black women and their relationships?
"I know many great black relationships and marriages. But we don't talk about them. Good relationships take work, no matter what color you are. Relationships have become dumbed down, for many reasons, dating younger women or outside your race. So any issue black women have with their black men becomes a big deal and they are seen as aggressive or harsh for having raised it." --STELLA, 46, Black, divorced
"I've heard black women are too this, that or whatever. I believe it's a cop-out for some people who want to rationalize their decision to date outside the race." --MARCIA, 51, Black, single
"Some black women are drawn to characters: the guy with the dreadlocks, the rapper or the guy in the purple pants, who may not be the best choice in a partner. They then attribute their bad experiences with these types of black men to all black men." --ROGER, 40, Black, single
"It's true that white women don't demand much from black men, but I think that's because they've been brainwashed by media and society to think that black men aren't capable of much. From dating white men I do believe that there is sometimes a lack of expectation because there's a lack of experience. Very few white people live in a black world. If they did they might be more demanding because they'd know what we're capable of." --SOLI, 46, Biracial, recently single
Do you believe that black men are insecure or abusive and if so why?
"Everyone is insecure. Black men are vulnerable because their self-esteem has always been under pressure and their masculinity is based on self-esteem so they're extra sensitive to anything that threatens their sense of who they are." --STELLA, 46, Black, divorced
Discussion
Well, there is a lot of reality in all of the written statements. Black people DO have a harder time with relationships. Unfortunately, as I black woman, I feel that women suffer the most. Unlike our men, the options for dating outside of our ethnic background is slim to none. I dated a white man for 9 years, the only reason we parted was because he moved. I must admit after that relationship, I've never wanted another black man!
I must admit that I agree with all of the discussion comments also. The rates of marriage and monogamy are much lower in the black race, and black people aren't sub-human animals that need to be grouped in category boxes like lab rats!
Both genders in the black race have many problems, and they stem from a much deeper place than the relationship pool.
of course youre gunna have that fool whos dated a few losers and apply them to every man of that race, and want to tell the whole world how bad they were. Its really where you look, with every relationship theres gunna be ups and downs.
I was in a relationship for 8 years with a white man, and I truely loved him. Our issues had nothing do with race, and both our families were very accepting of our relationship. I think it depends on the people in the relationship. I never looked at my ex as white, just someone I wanted to spend my life with.
