Love & Anger: How to Fight Right
Add a good fight with your spouse to your list of ways to stay healthy.
In addition to green tea and pilates, you can now add a good fight with your spouse to your list of ways to stay healthy. Seriously. According to a new study from the University of Michigan which looked at 192 couples over 17 years, holding your tongue when you are pissed off—could prove fatal.
The study examined the couples’ dynamics and grouped them into the four categories: couples where both partners communicate their anger; couples where one of the partners expressed anger and the other suppressed it, and couples where both partners suppressed their bitterness.
And with this last group, we learned that brooding, and holding a grudge, becomes toxic to your body. According to the study, "When both spouses suppress their anger at the other when unfairly attacked, earlier death was twice as likely than in all other types."
"When couples get together, one of their main jobs is reconciliation about conflict," says lead author and professor emeritus Ernest Harburg. "Usually nobody is trained to do this. If they have good parents, they can imitate, that's fine, but usually the couple is ignorant about the process of resolving conflict.”
So if you haven't learned how to verbalize your issues with your hubby, get on it. Who knew that few harsh words here or there, could mean a couple more years together. Plus, there’s always the makeup sex. Poll: Does Fighting Lead To Better Sex?
Discussion
my guy had treated me bad for a long time because of his own issues and not really knowing how to love i guess. i stuck it out and he has just recently made some major changes. i find myself defensive and worried because of some of his behaviours lately, i'm afraid he's going back to his past mean ass ways, i see the signs. I am gratefull and amazed at the progress he has made and tell him that but when i point out the inconsiderate ways he has lately he gets pissed and makes me feel guilty for saying anything because he has made progress. our new beginning i fear may be short lived.
I am five months pregnant and me and my boyfriend are constantly at each others throat and trying to keep score with each others mistakes. I know we love each other, but we cant manage to our rude or snide comments to ourselves. We have been together for almost 7 years and still we cannot communicate correctly. I don't how or why we became the couple we are today, but i wish it was different and i wish that he could of realized he wanted to be with or at least entertain the thought of being with other women before he decided he wanted to have a baby with me and then not get a job to support the baby's prenatal care or me. He is collecting a small amount of unemployment while he can. While spending all of his time with every one but me. If anyone could give me some helpful advice towards how to fix our realationship or how to bring back the love that was once there between us please help !! I could really use it.
hope this helps. I am 51 and have three grown children. being pregnant is stressful in itself, men have need to be the provider and when they cant do that they feel bad. he may be expressing as anger toward you when in fact he may feel he has failed to be a good provdier in addition to the unknown of being a new father. you are both changing and your lives are about to evolve beyond anything you can imagine. hold onto the memories of life before pregnancy and childbirth and parenting because you wont see that life again at least not like that. there is alot of anxiety during pregnancy which is understandable, so when a argement is about to erupt STOP and THINK do i want to fight or do i want to love, do i want to be right or do i want to SOLVE the problem. we dont solve anything when we are in a state of anger. YOU need to focus on the love you have for him and allow him to be who he is. you cant change or control him but you can change and control how you respond to him. eventually he will notice that you are not fighting with him and he may begin to open up. Communication is a skill that is developed this site has some great communication tips and there are lots of books, it takes practice and it takes time and it feels awkard but with practice it comes easier and begins to be part of normal interaction and not so artifical. Your relationship is changing as it should with a new person coming into your life, but you are in control of how it changes. Be strong. think before you speak, it is easy to react instead wait it out and learn to verbalize how you are FEELING which is more meaningful. DO consider therapy even if you go alone you will help the relationship because you will bring something new to it.
GOOD LUCK and HAVE A HEALTHY BABY remember men change when they see their newborn
Kelly
