Field Guide to Geeks
What's your type? Here's a comprehensive geek guide to help you decide.
The Manga/Comic Book Geek
Akira kryptonium
Markings: Ink-stained fingers, Wolverine Underoos.
Indigenous to: San Diego Comic-Con—an annual convention featuring anime, toys, superheroes, and overweight men in Superman T-shirts.
Mating call: “Looks like we’ll need a Comic-Condom!”
If approached: Be prepared to discuss who would win in a Batman vs. Spider-
Man fight.
The Sci-Fi Geek
Trekkie matrixus
Markings: Well-worn original Battlestar Galactica T-shirt, DVD boxed sets.
Indigenous to: Midnight-before-opening-day movie screenings.
Indigenous to: Midnight-before-opening-day movie screenings.
Mating call: “You know, my framed Star Wars posters aren’t the only thing in this room that are well hung.”
If approached: Refrain from making any sudden movements around their
limited edition X-Files, Lost, or Babylon 5 figurines.
The Computer/IT Geek
Macrosoftos
Markings: Pale skin, carpal tunnel syndrome.
Indigenous to: Basements, Internet cafés, anywhere they can steal a Wi-Fi connection.
Mating call: “URAQT WTGP F2F?” Translation: You Are a Cutie, Want to Go Private Face to Face?
If approached: You won’t be, but your computer might. Know the difference between Windows, Leopard, and Linux. If he compliments your As, Bs, Cs, or Ds, save the blushing—he’s discussing disk drives.
The Science/Math Geek
Pythagoras MITulis
Markings: Lab coat, TI-89 Titanium Calculator, pen marks on hands.
Indigenous to: College labs, secret science clubs, open-to-the-public lectures.
Mating call: “Baby, you’ve got more curves than an Erlenmeyer flask.”
If approached: Know your Poincaré Conjecture from your string theory. Or don’t. As all these are theories, just say everything with conviction, or “Maybe it doesn’t make sense—in this dimension.”
The Gamer Geek
Halo-tosis
Markings: Cracking thumbs, Mountain Dew breath, Cheetos residue on fingertips.
Indigenous to: E3, the Electronic Entertainment Expo—an annual tradeshow of games and consoles. Also found monopolizing the Best Buy gaming station.
Mating call: “Wanna hook up your Wii to my plasma TV?”
If approached: It’s safer to come between a mother grizzly and her cubs than a Gamer Geek and his TV. To be safe, always carry copies of Halo 3, Guitar Hero, and God of War.
Discussion
Jeeze, I can't beleive I am going to post this, but for the gamer geek part... E3 died off last year. It is still around, but it isn't generally open for public, like it used to be. You would be better off with a PAX reference.
A sci-fi geek myself, my last boyfriend was a gamer geek, while my current boyfriend leans more toward the computer/it geek.
aw, my boyfriend and i fall into every category except the math geek one (we're designers by trade; creative types don't get on well with mathematics. that's what our computers are for).
and they forgot the movie geek (similar to the sci-fi geek, but they're more interested in the special effects and production value than the content for the most part). one would think they would be found in theatres, but such is not the case. they really don't get out much (unless it's for something as big as LOTR or 300), unless it's to buy a new tv (they get all their movies from netflix). their mating call will be something along the lines of "hey, i can make our sex tapes in high definition! with transitions and a decent soundtrack!" (if you've seen superbad, you'll get the referece) if approached, be prepared for lectures on black levels and new camera technology and capture techniques.
Well Kev, remember, this article's being written by someone who probably has never regularly hung out with a geek in their life.
