Are You Too Masculine For Your Guy? 9 Questions To Ask Yourself
You need to let your boyfriend be the man in the relationship.
Anastasia Collection | Canva Self-reliance, strong direction, goal focus, and efficiency — These are all great traits to have in order to get things done in the world. But do these same traits in women turn men off? The masculine vs feminine conversation that often takes place in the world can become quite heated. Yet, it is an important one in this day and age, when women have to be masculine in the world and then try and be feminine in their relationships.
Let's face it — going to work, paying the bills, riding the subway, driving in traffic, and meeting deadlines all require the masculine force of direction and planning. However, women, these days are finding that their developed skills of conducting business in the world are also displacing the men in the life of their masculinity. This is resulting in flaccid relationships without much passion and is also causing women to complain that they don't feel desired, cherished, or cared for.
What men really want and need to step into their own masculinity is to be able to take charge, plan for their happiness, and protect us. Masculine traits are one of direction, planning, and focusing on goals. Women have gotten so good at this in their own day-to-day lives, that they forget to hang up their masculine hats when they come home to their partners, They start directing their relationship and even worse, directing their man. The men I work with often complain that they feel emasculated in their relationships. It is taking a toll not only in the romance department but also in the bedroom. Their passion for their lady dwindles as they get bowled over by their woman planning everything and not really letting them have any control. They also feel that they don't have anything to offer a woman who has her life so mapped out. She is so self-reliant that there is no need for him in her life.
Unfortunately for us women, "masculine" energy is required for survival. And "feminine" energy is a nice touch but not necessarily needed to get by in the world. Most women need to turn on their masculine every day when they leave the house and not only is it difficult to turn it off when you come home, but quite often women have no idea what feminine energy is nor have they ever had the opportunity to develop it for themselves. Worse yet, some women look at feminine energy as being "weak" and "powerless" and then reject it altogether.
Most of the women in the world need to learn how to receive love and care from a man and are often blocked by limiting beliefs of their own self-worth and also from childhood traumas around being able to trust people or don’t feel safe being vulnerable around a man. In order to allow your man to step up and plan things or give to you, you need to be able to trust him. Here are a few questions to ask yourself to see if you might be being too masculine in your relationship.
Are you too masculine for your guy? Here are 9 questions to ask yourself:
1. Do you feel the need to plan everything in your relationship? If so why?
2. Do you give your partner space to make plans for the both of you?
3. If your man plans something do you happily follow his lead, or do you need to control the situation?
4. Do you feel like you need to control your partner?
5. Do you feel relaxed and trusting around your guy?
6. Are you able to relax and surrender to his direction?
7. Are you able to be open and vulnerable around him?
8. Do you seem to nag him to do things or do you ask for things lovingly, trusting that he wants to make you happy and is not your enemy?
9. Do you feel like you fully open your heart to him, or are their barriers blocking you?
The ultimate quality of feminine energy is just love itself. It is open, loving, caring, trusting, and flowing. Masculine energy is the container that surrounds the feminine, protects her, and guides her through life. Both energies are needed in a relationship to keep the passion and excitement. They are both equal and also very different. In the past feminine energy was considered less than equal. But as the dust settles since the 60s, it is becoming apparent that both energies are necessary for healthy, thriving relationships. It is a difficult task to return to our femininity and cultivate it so that it becomes natural to us. Most women do have a natural true feminine essence and we are doing ourselves a disservice by not letting it shine.
Cinthia Dennis is a dating/life coach, and counselor. She teaches at various workshops including the “Renew Break Up Bootcamp” where she does training for social workers and therapists, monthly NLP workshops on a variety of topics, and rapport and connection skills training.