5 Ways To Get A Guy To 'DTR' & Become Your Boyfriend (Without Making The First Move)
The easiest ways to get a commitment from a man.
pocstock | Canva When you're dating someone, the "Where is this relationship going?" question is a biggie. Some women blow this DTR (define the relationship) talk by coming off as needy, clingy, or demanding in their quest to lock down a guy and figure out how to get a boyfriend. Figuring out how to attract men and how to get a guy to like you in the first place isn't the hard part. But getting the guy you're dating to make a commitment to you and thank his lucky stars that you are his girlfriend is a whole different story.
To get him to DTR, you have to be fully in tune with yourself and what you want. You also need to be ready to walk if you aren't getting it. This doesn’t mean acting like a diva or playing games. It’s all about knowing your value and not compromising your needs. You have permission to make "you" the most important person in your relationship. When you know your worth, you will walk away like it’s no big deal if you aren't feeling valued, no matter who you're with.
Here are 5 ways to get a guy to DTR and become your boyfriend without making the first move:
1. Don’t initiate "the talk”
Whoever brings up the DTR talk first is the one sweating the relationship. You aren’t sweating it. You know what you want, and you haven’t locked it down with him until he proves himself worthy of what you want. You are done being that girl. Let him be the one to bring up "the talk." That means he's worried about it, and you don’t come off demanding when you state your needs. You know your needs: commitment, calls instead of texts, exclusivity, and time spent with you. He will genuinely hear you if you aren’t the girl chasing him for the DTR talk and instead let him initiate it.
2. Take your time
Don’t agree to anything exclusive, or rush into anything exclusive either, until you have seen whether or not this man is going to back up what he has to say with his actions and treat you well. You aren’t going to see the real person until your first fight at the 3-month "make it or break" stage. Don’t get in too deep yet with your heart until you see the real him.
3. Don't let him mistreat you and stick around
Don’t tolerate his lateness, lack of phone calls, or any other behavior that is deemed not desirable in your book. That doesn’t mean you complain about it. Just don’t give him the time of day if he doesn’t respect you or your time. His behavior and actions speak volumes. If this is what is going on, you will want to have the talk but refrain. There is nothing to talk about or define. You hear what he's saying loud and clear, which is why you should be ready to date other guys by this point.
4. Date other people if he hasn't mentioned exclusivity
Yes, you heard it. You might make the mistake of cutting off your options way too soon. When he has to work to earn your time and affection — not just him but anyone — you will appeal more because guys are competitive. Don’t let him know this, but a little flirting with some other dating options will do wonders for your self-esteem. He will feel you are just a little aloof — and you should be until someone bothers to meet your needs and lock you down with a commitment! Once again, keep him sweating it. This isn’t a game.
5. Always be honest
Be honest no matter how vulnerable you feel. It doesn't mean throwing the fact that you're dating other guys in his face, but it does mean you don’t need to be harsh about it. Put your heart out there. Remember, you have other options. Say what you want when he brings up the DTR talk and asks what you are looking for, but let him know you don’t know if he is that person yet. You are still observing to see if it’s right for both of you. When he brings it up, if you know in your gut this is the right thing to do after observing and clearly stating your needs, go for it. This is important. You will know for sure. There will be no doubts. Ninety percent of communication is non-verbal, so this just means his actions have lined up with his words and this is a good place to be.
Susan Trombetti is a matchmaker and the CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking. She has been seen on Fox, ABC, NBC, ABC, Cosmopolitan, Shape, and as a guest contributor of The Wall Street Radio.