9 Mistakes The Unhappiest People Regret Making
What is the secret to happiness?
Dean Drobot | Canva Everyone wants to know how to be happy in life. Happiness — genuine, effortless, unencumbered happiness — is the Holy Grail of our pursuits, the quest of our madness in a world bent on having more, more, more. We work harder, condense the contents of time, and speed up the hamster wheel with every step. All to be genuinely happy. So, what is it that all happy people know about being genuinely happy? What are the predictors of true happiness? Nationality? Income? Social status? Health status? One thing’s for sure: When it comes to the secrets to happiness, being genuinely happy is a choice and an inside job.
Here are 9 mistakes the unhappiest people regret making:
1. Unhappy people have a negative outlook
There's an inherent truth in that great perspective your elders used to counter your childhood complaints: There are always going to be people better off and worse off than you. Happy people know that there are always going to be situations that don’t elicit a "yippee!" from their attitude. Everyone suffers loss. Everyone experiences personal injustice. And everyone has more than a welcomed share of "those days." But when a $6 latte spills down the front of her favorite designer dress, the happy person knows how to choose her response. "Dang it! Well, how fortunate I am that I can afford this coffee and nice clothes to wear."
2. Unhappy people aren't grateful for what they have
This doesn’t mean they have no ambition to improve their lives. It simply means genuinely happy people are focused on what they do have, not on what they don’t have. Happy people are more likely to see possessions as fluid than as property that must be hoarded and guarded with their lives. They are as happy to share as they are to receive. And even as they strive to improve their lives, they are fully satisfied with — and grateful for — what they have.
3. Unhappy people aren't happy for others’ success
We all know what the tug of jealousy feels like. Someone else gets something you’ve always wanted or believed you deserve, and your first thought is, "But I want to win Powerball!" Happy people know there’s always enough for everyone. Enough success. Enough love. Enough happiness. They also know that pinning others down with jealousy only serves to suppress themselves — and their relationships. And they don’t fake their excitement for others. It’s genuine. It’s also contagious. Inevitably, success finds them and all that goodwill comes pouring back.
4. Unhappy people compare themselves to others
There's always that fine line between comparing to get a gauge for progress and comparing it as a gauge for the ego. Genuinely happy people aren’t preoccupied with "keeping up with the Joneses." They may observe some of the Joneses’ behaviors and decide they are worth emulating. But they don’t attach their self-worth to having the same possessions, titles, or successes. Comparisons are only for self-improvement, not for competition.
5. Unhappy people never take risks or confront their fears
We all know someone who’s always the first in line for life’s highest roller coaster. And they sit in the front seat with their hands in the air and a smile on their faces. It can be downright maddening and intimidating to watch! Happy people aren’t reckless with their lives, but they don’t let fear stop them from living. When Eleanor Roosevelt wisely counseled that we should all do something every day that frightens us, she knew something about happiness. It turns out that leaning into the sources of our stress and fear unleashes creativity, increases productivity, and prepares us to handle change and adversity.
6. Unhappy people do not nurture their relationships
We’ve all heard the adage that if you finish this life with a handful of good friends, you've been blessed. Genuinely happy people know this in spades, and they are mindful to take good care of those relationships. They lead with kindness and compassion, no matter what the relationship. They understand that you get out of relationships what you put into them. And they know there's no price you can place on the treasure of a good friend or beloved family member.
7. Unhappy people hold grudges
Happiness is a light, elevating emotion. It can’t lift you if your life is weighed down by grudges and the daily ruminating of past hurts. Happy people, as part of choosing happiness, choose forgiveness as a conduit to being liberated from negativity.
8. Unhappy people take themselves too seriously
Laughter is good medicine — physically, emotionally, and socially. Happy people won’t live without it. They know how to laugh at themselves and the ironies of life without laughing at the expense of others. And because they don’t take themselves too seriously, they’re able to let go and experience the lightness and sparkling brightness of laughter.
9. Unhappy people neglect their childlike wonder
Having a sense of awe is an expression of humility — a sense of being small in a huge, wondrous world. Happy people hold onto that capacity to be awed. They know it connects them to the world and to all forms of life that inhabit it. It makes life more enjoyable and less stressful, as well as increases cognition while decreasing materialism. And that is awesome. Perhaps no one summed up the secret to happiness better than Abraham Lincoln: "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Karen Finn is a divorce and life coach. Her writing on marriage, divorce, and co-parenting has appeared on MSN, Yahoo, Psych Central, Huffington Post, Prevention, and The Good Men Project, among others.