If You Want To Understand Your Dating Life, You Need To Ask Yourself One Question
Why you fall for men just like your dad.
Jacob Lund | Canva If you want to understand your dating life, you need to ask yourself this one question: What was your dad like? Did he care about how you feel, or did he ask you what you think? If he walked in the door, would he ask you how you felt or what you did today?
After you've answered these questions, look at your life, then look at the men you're dating: Do they care about how you feel? Are you making all the plans in the relationship — or are they? If your dad raised you to do good and feel good, you will attract men who want you to feel good.
If he didn't, you might be distracted by Peter Pan men. Peter Pans are charming, funny, and great in bed. They're just not great at working or holding steady jobs. They have big plans and great ideas, but they're not worth much when it comes to doing the footwork. Of course, they make you feel sensual for a few moments. However, you're always the one who has to make plans. You're always the one that has to get things done.
If you're dating someone like your father, a man who wasn't there for you and didn't care about how you felt, you may recreate the same pattern with the men you're dating.
Here's how you can change this pattern by following these 3 steps.
1: Awareness
Be aware of the impact your father had on your relationships with men. Know how your interactions with your father set up the template for how you interact and emotionally bond with men.
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2: Acceptance
Accept there are factors from your upbringing that you weren't aware of but have affected your relationships. This comes from your awareness. Once you know how your relationship with your father has affected your other relationship, you can accept who you are unconditionally.
3: Take contrary action
Unconditional self-acceptance, combined with awareness, gives you the necessary information to create new patterns of interaction with the men you spend time with and date. Your awareness of past patterns helps you find different ways of interacting. Then, the acceptance of who you are and what you desire in a relationship helps create new patterns of interaction.
Choose men who care about how you feel. These are men who make plans and want to build something with you. These are men who don't just look good to your eyes but also sound good to your ears. The body doesn't lie. When you're dating, ask yourself this one simple question. Does being with this guy feel good or not feel good?
James Allen Hanrahan is a dating and relationship coach for women based in Los Angeles. He's also the author of "A Life of Love" and "Dating Advice for Alpha Women."