Experts Say Parents Who Raise Exceptionally Smart Kids Focus On These 6 Overlooked Things Way Earlier Than Most
Roman Chekhovskoy | Canva There are many ways to parent a child, and many parents raise their children to become the person they hope to be proud of. However, what many parents have to realize is that every child is different, and one parent's methods may not work for another parent.
People may call a mom a "helicopter parent" when she's simply concerned for her child. Or they call a dad irresponsible when he only wants his child to learn independence. But that's the beauty of parenting, isn't it? You get to know your child, you figure out what works and what doesn't, and sometimes, you learn from other parents as well. And nothing feels better than parental pride when your child does something extremely brilliant.
How do we raise brilliant children? Well, parents have to start early. Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, a professor at Temple University, and her co-author Roberta Golinkoff from the University of Delaware wrote Becoming Brilliant: What Science Tells Us About Raising Successful Children, a parenting book designed to help parents cultivate the learning skills of their child using the science of learning and development.
In an interview with NPR, Hirsh-Pasek said that how parents raise children today will matter in twenty years. "If you don't get it right, you will have an unlivable environment. That's the crisis I see," she told NPR. The solution, according to the two authors, lies in the 6 Cs that parents have to work on with their children:
Experts say parents who raise exceptionally smart kids focus on these overlooked things way earlier than most:
1. Parents who raise exceptionally smart kids focus on collaboration
"Collaboration is everything from getting along with others to controlling your impulses so you can get along and not kick someone else off the swing," says Hirsch-Pasek. This means building a diverse and multicultural community, and starting this at home will reflect their attitude outside.
"A student committed to a lifetime of learning is a welcome addition to any classroom," pointed out life coach Kathryn Brown Ramsperger. "They don't worry, they don't know an answer or have to ask a question, because they know there is always more to learn. To cultivate an open, eager-to-learn mind, try having a family discussion at dinner time, making sure there is no judgment allowed. Encouraging differences in opinion and stressing everyone's opinion is valuable, interesting, and significant to the conversation."
2. They focus on communication
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Speaking, writing, reading, and listening are all forms of communication that kids need to learn. Family coach T-Ann Pierce advised, "Developing the most effective communication skills for talking to your kids is an important part of parenting. But knowing how to talk so kids will listen can feel difficult at best, and impossible at worst. If you are wishy-washy in your communication, it leaves the door wide open for misunderstandings, anger, or resentment.
However, when you communicate effectively with your kids, your needs as a parent can be met more easily. You empower yourself and can connect more deeply with your child. Plus, effective communication is hugely respectful for the listener, too."
3. Parents who raise exceptionally smart kids focus on content
"Content is built on communication," says Hirsh-Pasek. To collaborate and communicate, children need to learn basic language skills, including reading.
"Reading to a child builds self-esteem and strengthens bonds with adults in ways that simply talking never will," suggested marriage and family counselor Julie Nise. "The feeling of being the center of focus is such a valuable gift to a child. Think about it: everybody talks. Mostly too much, and about themselves or problems. Who reads to you? Only someone deeply connected to you who cares a lot about you."
4. They focus on critical thinking
This one relies on content and requires parents not simply to give children information but to allow them to think about it themselves. "If you're going to have a kid who engages in critical thinking, you're not going to shut them down when they ask a question," Hirsh-Pasek says. "You're not going to settle for 'because.' You're going to encourage them to ask more. And you want them to understand how other people think.
5. They focus on creative innovation
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This requires you to know something in order to make a brand new something. "You can't just be a monkey throwing paint on a canvas," she says. For example, when making music, it's not enough to simply know how to sing or learn a few notes. You learn how to play an instrument, study different music styles, and how to put together lyrics. The more you learn, the more beautiful the music you create will be.
6. Parents who raise exceptionally smart kids focus on confidence
This one is self-explanatory. You need confidence in order to take risks and succeed, and you can give that to your child through encouragement and allowing them to take risks at a young age.
All of these allow the parent to not only teach their child but also stay in the moment with them. "Not that we're Luddites, but we're talking about how the crucible of social interaction between child and parent really helps set up the child for the development of these skills," Hirsh-Pasek concludes.
Caithlin Pena is an editor and former contributor for YourTango. Her work has been featured on Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Yahoo, Psych Central, and BRIDES.
