9 Minor Things That Irritate Women About Men
They're annoying, but they can be fixed.
AndreyPopov | Canva It's been said that men are from Mars, and according to research, this seems to be a reasonable conclusion. It turns out that a lot of women admit that they are often confused by the way their men behave and/or react in certain situations and they wish they could understand their significant others better. Chances are, you fall in that category, so keep reading to unravel secrets that will help you understand your man better and bring you both closer together than ever before. Here are the answers to what men think when they do these 9 slightly annoying things — and what you can do about it when your guy does them.
Here are 9 minor things that irritate women about men:
1. He clams up when he's stressed
When you have a problem, you solve it by thinking out loud, right? Women are pre-wired to use speech as a main form of expression. When problem-solving, they'll typically find a friend, relative, or partner to brainstorm with about options, possibilities, the people involved, and what they need to do next. Not guys! Studies show that men do the opposite by talking silently to themselves.
You may assume your significant other is clamming up or even ignoring you, but the truth is he can only focus on one thing at a time. MRI scans reveal that men's brains have fewer connecting fibers between the left and right hemispheres so they are more compartmentalized overall. That means when he's using his right brain to try and find solutions to problems, he literally can't use the left side of his brain to listen or speak! What to do about it: Let him be. Sure, it can be tempting to urge, "Come on, let's talk about what's bothering you. You'll feel better!" But that's what works for you, not for him. Instead, give him the solitude and space he craves. Once he's solved his problem or wants your input he'll be ready to talk again.
2. He doesn't seem to "get" things about you that you think should be obvious
Your gal pals always know when something is bothering you without you even having to say a word. How can your man be so clueless?! Studies show that while women can quickly detect a range of both verbal and nonverbal emotions in others, men simply aren't wired with such super-sensory abilities. What to do about it: Tell him exactly what's bothering you. Men do want to please the women they love, but they need you to spell things out for them first. Try being as clear and concise as possible.
3. He hates getting advice from you — or anyone else
Ever notice how rarely men ask for directions even when they're hopelessly lost? Men need to feel capable of solving their problems. Don't be surprised if he gets upset with you for offering solutions to his dilemmas. Naturally, you're only trying to help, but chances are, he'll view your input as criticism and may get upset because that makes him feel incompetent. What to do about it: Give him the "silent" treatment. Unless your man specifically asks for your advice, your best bet is to zip your lips. Doing this sends him a powerful and loving message that you have confidence in his ability to work things out.
4. He won't stop giving you advice even when you tell him you don't want it
Of course, when the shoe's on the other foot and you have a problem, he doesn't hesitate to tell you what to do about it, right? That's because many men have logical, problem-solving minds. So, when he continually interrupts you to offer solutions to your problems, he can't help himself. His brain is simply programmed to do so.
What to do about it: Keep on telling him gently, "Thanks, but no thanks." Remember that his intentions are honorable. He truly believes you'll feel much better once you have a solution to your problem. Acknowledge and appreciate his efforts by saying something like, "Babe, I know you're trying to help me, and I love you for that." Then, explain that you're not looking for solutions and that if he wants to help, he can simply listen.
5. He's always so blunt
Ever tried to get a conversation going with your guy by asking him a simple question like, "How was your day?" Chances are, you got a one-word response, "Fine." Men's sentences tend to be short, direct, and to the point for a reason. This kind of speech helps close business deals quickly and efficiently and is a means of asserting authority over others. But in intimate relationships, these kinds of responses aren't particularly endearing.
What to do about it: The trick to getting your man to open up is to ask him more open-ended questions like, "What was the best (or worst) part of your day?" or "Tell me all about your visit with your brother. I'd love to hear all the details!" Questions like these can help bring you closer together because they encourage your significant other to elaborate and open up to you.
6. He always looks like he’s not listening when you speak
Why do men often listen like statues? Chalk it up to evolution. The biological objective of the male warrior when listening was to remain impassive, so as not to betray his emotions. In other words, men's lack of visual emotion enables them to feel in control of a situation, but it doesn't mean they don't experience emotions. Brain scans reveal that men feel emotion as strongly as women do, but they avoid showing it.
What to do about it: Be gentle with him. His stone face may frustrate you but try to remember that it's harder for him to talk about his feelings and that he may be afraid of saying the wrong thing. If you're patient and soft-spoken with him, he'll feel more comfortable and far more likely to share his innermost thoughts and feelings with you.
7. He constantly surfs through TV channels instead of settling on something
This male habit ranks among women's top pet peeves. What he's doing is searching for the bottom line in each story. He's also relaxing. By channel surfing, he can forget about his problems and look for solutions to other people's issues instead. What to do about it: Ignore it. Remember, his forefathers spent more than a million years sitting expressionless on a rock surveying the horizon. This comes naturally to him and he's simply comfortable doing it.
8. He can never find things, even when they're right there in plain sight
How familiar does this conversation sound?
Your man: "Where's the cereal?"
You: "In the cupboard."
Your man: "Well, I'm looking there, but I don't see it."
You: "Well, it's there. I put it there myself 10 minutes ago."
Your man: "No, you must have put it somewhere else. There's no cereal here."
At that, you head to the kitchen, stick your hand in the cupboard, roll your eyes, and hand him the cereal. Men often feel this is a trick so then they accuse women of hiding things from them: socks, shoes, underwear, car keys, and wallets. They're all there, though. Men just can't see them. What to do about it: Blame it on biology. Men's brains, being pre-wired for hunting, see a narrow field. They have to move their heads from side to side and up and down as they scan for “missing” objects. But because of women's history of defending the nest, their brains decode information over a wider peripheral range and they can see most of the contents of a refrigerator or cupboard without even moving their heads.
9. He dislikes shopping with you
For women, shopping can be rejuvenating and relaxing, even if they don't buy anything. It's like talking. Many women don't need to have a specific point or objective and find it soothing to carry this activity on in an unstructured way over several hours. Twenty minutes or more of this type of shopping, however, drives many men bonkers, because, to them, it's not logical and seems to have no purpose.
What to do about it: Energize him. If your spouse desperately needs new clothes, there's only one way to motivate him to shop for them with you. He needs an objective, a target to hit, and a timetable. So, give him clear criteria — colors, sizes, brands, styles — and tell him where you'll be shopping and for how long. With clear objectives (even if you've invented them), you'll be amazed at a man's shopping enthusiasm! And who knows? Maybe he'll even buy something fun and cute for you too!
Coach Todd Reed, CPC, has expertise in communication and relationships. His book, Conversation is Sexy, offers tips, tools, and techniques for couples to discover the joys of being in love.