Why I’m Removing “Homemaker” From My Job Title
How I’m finding more freedom as a mother.
LeMusique | Canva Every time I fill out any type of paperwork, I always end up writing “homemaker” in the employment blank. I guess it’s because when my husband and I first got married, that was offered as a choice on our car insurance paperwork. And also, at the time, we were involved with a conservative fundamentalist sect of Christianity, which viewed “homemaker” as really my only option.
Homemaking included childrearing, cooking, and all the housework. It was three different jobs (at face level alone)! I don’t have the time to go into that religious trauma.
I’m still a Christian. I still stay at home with our children. I still do (most of) the cooking and cleaning, the grocery shopping, and the making of doctor’s appointments. But I’m reframing how I see that. Because what you call yourself matters.
What you believe about your role in your family, your workplace and the world around you matters. Deeply.
Your job title can inform how you spend your days, even subconsciously. Calling myself a homemaker, combined with the internalized misogynistic beliefs I had acquired about myself, ultimately led to a toxic productivity mindset. Which almost always leads to burnout. And that is absolutely where I am.
Now, I'm reframing my role. In this season I’m simply calling myself, when asked, "the stay-at-home-parent." Not even “mom,” just parent.
(Let me note here that I, in no way, feel that motherhood and homemaking are in any kind of way inferior to any other life choices. Not at all. I place an immense amount of value on motherhood and on being home with my children. This is just how I am dealing with my own trauma and mental blocks.)
For me, calling myself the stay-at-home parent just says, “This is my role in this team.” It means that daycare is expensive, and the ones we can afford are not where we want our children to be, so I am dedicating these years to them. It means that I chose this in the best interest of myself and my children.
It means that everything else — the groceries, the meals, and the cleaning — is divided up purely by logistics. No moral or gender-based obligations, just pure pragmatism.
I do most of the cleaning because I’m home more than my husband. But cleaning isn’t my “job.” And whatever is left at the end of the week, we tackle together. I do the grocery shopping because it gives me an excuse to get out of the house with the kids. But if I need him to, my husband will pick up grocery orders on his lunch hour or on his way home from work. We often share the responsibility of cooking dinner. My “job” is the kids. And that allows for a new mindset.
Studio Romantic / Shutterstock
If my job is to care for and nurture our children, that makes fun necessary. Fun and play are 100% essential to a happy, healthy childhood. And since I’m their primary caretaker right now, that’s my responsibility.
In my old mindset, taking care of the house was my job. Making a home meant cleaning and decorating. I had to be productive all day long. Christian homemaking influencers said things like, “Treat homemaking like you’re an employee. If you were in an office, would you sit on the couch at 10 a.m. and call your sister?” I internalized that completely. When my days would consist of taking the babies to the park, baking muffins, grabbing coffee (and steamers for the littles), or going on walks, I would feel so guilty. This can’t be your day. You’re an adult. You can’t just be here making muffins while your husband is working. Do something.
But now, baking and coffee and playing outside and my “hot mom walking club” can be my day. Because:
- My job is my children and creating a childhood from which they don’t have to heal. A childhood where their days are filled with warmth and with fun.
- I am still a whole person. If I worked in an office, I would be entitled to PTO and lunch breaks. So even if I am “just” staying at home with my kids, I don’t have to feel guilty for infusing my fun into my days.
I can wake up in the morning and plan ways for me and my children to enjoy our days together. As I finish writing this, I know today will be good. We will play outside, do some laundry, read books, take speed cleaning breaks, go walk with friends, then eat soup and go to bed. It will be a sweet day.
Childhoods and lives are made up of regular days. We have full permission, even obligation, to make those days good. To make them, as often as we can, fun.
So that is why I am no longer calling myself a homemaker. Even though I know the title is apt because a home is made by the people and the activities inside it. And I am doing that.
But this is your sign to reframe whatever you need to reframe. Your words matter, even just in nuance. You get to choose how you see yourself. You get to choose how you see your life. You get to choose to enjoy as much of it as you can.
Yes, maybe you are a mother. But you are still a person, a soul. Motherhood is a beautiful piece of a beautiful, whole, intricate person. And you get to choose who that person will be.
Beryl Kate Overton is a writer, mother, and doula. Her writing has been featured on YourTango and Medium publications including Parenting Portal, Modern Women, and The Mom Experience.