3 Things To Do If You're Crushing On Someone Outside Your Relationship
Don't lose focus on the relationship you have.
Dikushin Dmitry / Shutterstock You're in a great relationship, everything's going well, and you're really in love with your partner. But then, disaster strikes, and you start to develop a little crush on someone outside your relationship. If this sounds like you, know that you're not alone.
Lots of people go through this at some point, and it doesn't make you a bad person. But if you want to keep your relationship strong, it's important to address these issues before they get out of control.
So, how do you navigate and get over your little crush? Licensed counselor Jeff Guenther shares three things you can do.
3 Things You Need To Do To Get Over Your Crush
1. Nothing
Sometimes, the best move when you have a crush outside your relationship is to do nothing. "Who cares, it's perfectly normal to have a crush on someone while also being in a healthy and happy relationship," says Guenther.
Don't freak out and instead, let it pass. Enjoy those feelings, but be sure to keep yourself in check. "Don't do anything you would not want your partner to do," says Guenther.
2. What's missing?
"Having a crush can point to an unmet need in your relationship," explains Guenther. If you're crushing on someone who is emotionally vulnerable, it could point to a lack of emotional intimacy in your relationship.
On the flip side, having a crush on someone just for their looks might mean there's a lack of physical intimacy in your relationship.
When you understand what's lacking, you should go to your partner about it. Explaining those unmet emotions and feelings is key to working through relationship problems together.
Now, will your partner feel a certain way about your newly developed feelings? Absolutely, but that shouldn't stop you. Remember, being honest can help you work through whatever's causing these feelings to occur in the first place.
However, "Just be sure to focus on your emotions and needs rather than the specifics of the crush," says Guenther. Getting too caught up in the specifics of the crush won't do you or your partner any good and can distract you from solving the actual problem.
3. Create Space
But what if your feelings are stronger than you'd like them to be? What if the emotional or sexual attraction feels overwhelming? What do you do then?
"Don't hang around your crush as often," advises Guenther. Create distance and allow your feelings to lessen. "In the meantime, if you're not comfortable talking to your partner, consider talking to a friend or therapist about your feelings," says Guenther.
Speaking with a therapist will allow you to process your emotions and pinpoint what's missing in your relationship. Moreover, talking to a friend can offer you a different perspective on the situation.
Listen, it's important to understand that crushes will happen, no matter what you may think. And if it's not you, it could be your partner.
Planning ahead and figuring out how to handle these situations is key to the stability and longevity of your relationship.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.