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Girl, whatcha waiting for?
By Aly Walansky — Written on Jan 21, 2023
We may call it a case of Mondays, seasonal sadness, or just being in a slump, but sometimes, we don’t feel very sexy. And if we don’t feel sexy, chances are we aren’t being very sexy and our partners (potential or otherwise) are realizing.
In order to understand how to be sexier, you want to feel turned on and behave in ways that can turn on your partner, says Dr. Jane Greer, marriage and family therapist.
“A simple way to feel sexy is to add an extra coat of mascara, put on a pair of heels, or spray some perfume. Other ways are complimenting your partner, flirting with your eyes or winking, and/or using sexy pet names like 'Hey, handsome' or 'How's it going, good looking?'” says Greer.
You aren't feeling so hot in your own skin and want to learn how to be sexier?
Here are 7 unsexy ways to be sexier:
1. Strut your stuff
Research shows that confidence is among the most powerful of all attractants. If you don't have confidence then you can't really move forward with feeling sexy because you'll always doubt yourself and not feel good enough, according to sex coach Sienna Sinclaire.
2. Love yourself first
“The most important person in your life should always be yourself. Yes, you can love your family and kids, but you should love yourself first. If you can't love yourself, then how can you expect to love others?” says Sinclaire.
Loving yourself has a lot to do with confidence. Learn to fall in love with yourself and you'll feel much sexier about yourself. And science backs it up — studies have shown self-acceptance is one of the biggest keys to happiness and fulfillment.
3. Get your sweat on
Sinclaire advises that working out will definitely make you feel sexier because it will give your body confidence and make you feel better about yourself. Tired of the gym or want to feel really sexy? Then try sexy workout classes such as pole dancing, striptease, belly dancing, salsa, tango; or anything that will make you feel sexier about yourself.
Plus, working out releases tons of endorphins, which can put you in the mood afterward. Science shows that working out often leads to exercise-induced orgasms, and they are pretty darn powerful.
4. Befriend your body
If confidence is the new sexy, feeling great in your own skin is that to a whole other level. Research shows that if you want to feel sexier then you must come to terms with the body you have at the moment.
“Yes, you may want a better body but be realistic. Love what you have now and better it down the road. Hating it until you lose 50 pounds is the worst thing you can do. Don't buy that sexy red dress until you lose 50 pounds; buy it now and look your best and love what you have,” says Sinclaire. Then, when you lose 50 pounds, buy that red dress in a smaller size.
While you work on those things, focus on other things that you love about yourself. We tend to focus so much on the negative rather than the positives. Love your eyes? Then go out and buy some new eye colors and wear them out; it will make you feel sexier.
5. Date yourself
Eighty-six percent of us want a partner that "complements us" — why, then, don't we try dating the one person who totally likes us? YOU, the person in the mirror. When a guy takes you out and you get all dressed up, don't you feel sexy?
“Maybe you don't have a man in your life but even if you do, don't depend on a man to make you feel sexy. Make yourself feel sexy and date yourself,” says Sinclaire. Buy yourself your own flowers or take yourself out for lunch.
6. Subtly express your sexuality
In a classy way, of course! This is a surefire way to feel sexier.
“Express your sexuality by buying sexy lingerie to wear not just in the bedroom but under your clothes when going to work, take sexy workout classes, take some sex classes in your area (or books) so you can learn new things for yourself and your lover, or buy some new sex toys,” says Sinclaire.
Always look to impress.
"Don't be lazy if you want to be sexy. Dress and feel the part, and bring a level of depth that makes you stand out. Aesthetics can only go so far. What makes a man stay is his personality and what you have to say. Beauty and brains!" advises adult performer Venus Lux.
7. Treat yourself to a makeover
Another way to start feeling sexier about yourself is to give yourself a makeover. It may not be a big makeover — it could be as simple as buying new clothes, a new hairstyle, working out, or eating healthier.
“I believe if there's something you're not happy about with yourself then fix it, don't complain. Do something about it. If there are big changes I believe in starting small so as not to overwhelm yourself!” Sinclaire says.
Studies have shown that a bad hair day can RUIN our day, so if feeling sexy is as simple as getting a blowout, go for it!
"I always feel sexy after I get a mani-pedi with daring colors for my toes and some long french tips for my fingers. I feel like a man-eater when my hands and feet are looking fine; I feel confident and men definitely appreciate it too. Confidence makes me feel very sexy but it has to come from within," says adult performer Layton Benton.
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Aly Walansky is a freelance food and travel journalist and a New York City-based lifestyle writer who focuses on health, wellness, and relationships.