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Find the right path and move ahead in life ... and don't get in your own way
By Roland Legge — Written on Oct 23, 2022
Spiritual coaching can help you connect to your spiritual (inner wisdom) by letting go of limiting voices, destructive behaviors and old patterns that don't serve you.
What I've discovered, as a spiritual coach, is that the Enneagram is like a map that will show you the way.
I love combining the power of the Enneagram and coaching. I have chosen this as my work because I benefited from it personally and professionally.
The Enneagram, along with bodywork, breathwork and meditation, has helped me to be more self-reflective, honest, compassionate and present.
The Enneagram helps me access my three intelligence centers (body, heart and head). It helps me to understand myself and others and to take one hundred percent responsibility for myself. It shows me a path forward that will benefit me and the world.
Through my training and experiences, I have learned some valuable lessons about what to do — and what I would not, as a spiritual coach.
Here are ten things I would not do as a Spiritual Life Coach:
1. Try to fix people:
You know what it is like when someone tries to fix you. It can be so hurtful because all we want is to be heard.
Our urge to fix people often arises from our discomfort with ourselves. We want to make those we care about okay so we can be okay.
The good news is there there is nothing wrong with you. If there is nothing wrong with you, no one needs to fix you
2. Judge anyone based on what is shared.
I have no right to judge you. I have no idea what it is like to inhabit your body, heart or mind. I have no idea what you have faced in life.
Judging hurts you. It shuts you down. The more you close down, the more difficult it is for you to see other possibilities.
The more you close down, the more difficult for you to reach out for help because you are heavy with shame.
3. Impose my own religious and spiritual beliefs.
Religion is a powerful force that can be used for good or bad. I identify as a Christian. I will never suggest that one faith is better than another. I want to encourage people to use the gift of their faith to
inspire and guide them in their lives. When all religions act in love, they have the potential to heal lives.
4. Force someone to engage in conversation.
The client is always in charge of each session. I will never force a person to explore a topic or experience they are not ready to engage.
To do inner work, you must be ready to do your work. There is no judgment if you are not prepared. You will know when the time is right.
5. Be dishonest.
I would never lie to a client. I will be honest with them if I have a concern. I will ask their permission before sharing a concern or insight with them and take no offense if they don't want me to share.
I never promise quick results. An honest coach will let their client know that most people will only start to notice a change after at least ten hours of coaching.
I never tell clients that I have the answer to their problems. I am here to help you discover your truth because you are the best expert on yourself.
6. Resist feedback about services.
As a coach, I am always looking for feedback from you. When I am coaching you, I am not only paying attention to your words but also noticing your body language and emotions.
I get feedback from how I am experiencing the conversation within myself. I not only listen through my ears; I hear through my body and heart.
As a Spiritual Life Coach, I need to learn how my coaching impacts you and, if there are concerns, find a way to address them.
7. Talk about myself instead of listening.
The focus of a spiritual life coach should always be the client. There is never a justification for a coach to process issues through you. It is only appropriate to share some personal stories if it will benefit.
8. Over-simplify problems.
People are complex. No one is precisely the same. What might look difficult for me to do could feel easy to another person and vice versa.
I can not assume how easy or difficult a task might be for someone else. We are complex human beings. There is often a myriad of issues that impacts our lives.
From childhood trauma, significant deaths in the family, cultural issues, racism, homophobia, and belief systems. In the end, a coach should is help you to name what is getting in the way of your life and
help you discern what your higher self knows you need.
9. Place the blame on you.
There is plenty of blame to go around. You will have difficulty moving ahead if you always look for someone to blame.
There is no advantage in blaming anyone else for your problems because only you have the power to make the needed changes in your life.
10. Pretend I know things I don't.
No person knows everything. Your coach should not pretend to be an expert in something they have not mastered.
It is important to discern if you and your coach are a good fit for each other. For coaching or counseling to work, the client and professional need to be able to trust each other.
I will be upfront if I do not think I am the right person to help you, and then do my best to help you find the right person.
Everything I have learned through the Enneagram and life coaching are skills from which everyone can benefit. The more you can let go of your lies, your toxic inner critic, fears, and destructive habits
the more present you can be. The more present you are, the better decisions you will be able to make in your life, the more likely you will find greater flow in your life. The greater the flow in your life, the
greater joy you will experience.
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Roland Legge is a Certified Identity Life Coach and a minister in the United Church of Canada in Yorkton, Saskatchewan. He shares advice in his e-book, newsletter, and Discovery Calls.