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Engage the brain before opening the mouth.
By Julie Spira
Last updated on Oct 27, 2023
You are on a date and nervously trying to keep the conversation going. The mind fills with improper social scripts, and you put a foot in your mouth. You hear the words coming out and immediately regret saying something inappropriate on a date. You’re not alone. Many of us have been there.
Many of us also have a "good date gone bad" story whose punchline is the one thing a love interest said that turned us off so much we would never consider giving them a second chance.
If you want to know exactly where not to go in a conversation with your date, you're in the right place.
Here are the 10 absolutely ridiculous things you should never say to a woman:
1. Are those real?
We know some people are physical and undress others with their eyes when they first meet. That’s fine. Regardless of whether she’s wearing a terrific push-up bra or has gone under the knife, avoid any comments about a woman’s body. Even if you believe it’s innocent, women know it's not.
2. I have a body like a Ferrari.
One gentleman wanted to prove to his date why he should be considered younger than the accurate age posted on his online dating profile. While waiting in line for coffee, he described in great detail his athletic abilities and workout schedule at the gym. As soon as she heard him compare himself to a Ferrari, she wanted to go home. That's its own unique combination of egoism and bravado.
3. I’ve been on this site too long.
We know online dating is a numbers game, but if you haven’t met anyone online in years that led to a significant relationship, either you’re a serial dater or are way too picky. Either way, most women will not think you are long-term relationship material.
4. What exactly are you looking for in a relationship?
It’s just a date. Keep the conversation light and easy. If she asked you the same question, you'd run off in a New York minute. People don’t like to be pressured. It’s a date, not a deposition.
5. I don’t believe in marriage.
Although she isn’t ordering her bridal gown based on a date, more often than not, she hopes the relationship will go the distance if there’s a spark. If you tell her you have commitment problems, she won’t want to be the one to change you.
6. I’ll call you.
Don’t say you’re going to call to be polite. Most people don’t buy the line of “I’ll call you.” It’s true when they say actions speak louder than words.
If you’re interested, pull out your phone and add another date with her on the calendar. It will give you both something to look forward to and will show that you are a person of your word.
7. You’re so hot.
You will think it, but find another way to compliment her. If she looks good, tell her you like her dress, shiny hair, or smile. Flatter from the neck up only. “Hot” means “physically intimate” right now. She may prefer being courted a little bit longer.
8. I had a vasectomy.
Does she need to know on a date? Unless she makes a point that she’s looking to have children, she’ll think you want to be physically intimate without protection. Not acceptable.
9. I’m best friends with my ex.
We’re happy there wasn’t a War of the Roses style divorce, but she won’t want to be a lower priority than your ex in the long term. She’ll be happy if you set appropriate boundaries.
10. Would you like to split the check?
Yes, dating can be expensive and doesn’t have a money-back guarantee. If you initiated the date, you should pick up the check. It’s just the way it works in the dating world.
You don’t need to pick the swankiest spot in town but don’t expect her to date you again if it's a shared treat. She has plenty of friends to go out with that fit into that category.
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Julie Spira is America's top online dating expert and Mobile Dating Expert.