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True confidence is based not on what you do, but on who you perceive yourself to be.
By Jill Lillard — Written on Apr 29, 2021
Like the smell of fresh-baked hot cinnamon rolls piping through the air of Ikea, confident people catch our attention. They have something we want.
Confidence impacts not only how we explore the world, but how we relate to it and each other.
We often think if we could do this thing or accomplish something special, we would feel confident.
But it’s not true.
You could accomplish that thing, and while it feels suitable for a moment, it won’t change your level of confidence.
To feel confident, you first have to believe you are worthy and capable.
This precedes the evidence.
True confidence is based not on what you do, but on who you perceive yourself to be and what you perceive yourself to possess internally.
As believers in the Christian faith, we know that our secure foundation is Christ.
He is solid, steady, and constant. When we build our life with Him as our foundation, we have genuine confidence that comes from knowing this.
We know who we are, who we belong to, and who He is. What is available to us as the children of God, including prolific love and provision for all our needs.
The more we know about Jesus and engage with Him, the more we believe in His promises.
As we believe that He is who says He is — faithful, capable, sovereign, reasonable, and pure love — the more confidence we have.
When our identity is that of being His child, the more confident we are.
This confidence fosters peace, joy, and empowered living.
Studying parent-child bonding in college, I learned that a secure attachment was the foundation for confidence.
John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth developed what is known as attachment theory to explain how the parent-child relationship emerges and influences subsequent behaviors and affinities.
In studies, children who were securely attached showed some distress when their parents left. However, they would compose themselves, knowing that they would return.
These children tend to be more independent and willing to leave their secure base and explore, trusting that their parents were there for them.
The studies concluded that a child would grow to have higher self-esteem, better self-reliance, and bond well with others because of a secure attachment to a caregiver.
Further studies correlating perceived relationship with God and psychological health — confidence and emotional security — concluded that a relationship with God as a loving father fostered healing in adults who had formed insecure attachments to caregivers in childhood.
With God as a secure base, these adults were able to have more confidence to take risks in trusting others.
Where is your confidence found?
Do you seek it in receiving validation from others? In your achievements? In your relationships?
Or is it found in embracing your royal lineage, knowing who you are already?
What if you put your energy toward believing that God loves you and is taking care of you? What if you decided to go all-in and trust him, despite your doubts or desire to do things your way?
When we decide to believe with all our hearts, no matter what, evidence follows.
Lean into the one who is your secure foundation.
When all else around you seems like sinking sand, you can have true confidence in the one who made you, loves you, and wants a relationship with you.
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Jill M. Lillard, MA LPC, is a Gottman Certified Couples Therapist and Life Coach who helps Christian women step into powerful and exciting lives no matter what their circumstances. Jill has facilitated inspiring and faith-filled retreats and workshops for Christian women for nearly a decade. Get your free mini-course, The 4 Things You Must Do To Become The Happiest Wife, at The Happiest Lives.