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Yup. You heard us.
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Written on Jan 08, 2022
If you are a straight woman wondering how to give a guy a boner, I have good news for you.
It is very, very, very easy.
In fact, even as I am typing this and you are reading it, there are dozens, hundreds even, of desperate men whose penises are riddled with hard-ons!
For some men, the answer to how to 'give a guy a boner' is as simple as "look at him" or "have him ride a bus."
For other men, the answer to how to make a guy's penis hard is a little more complicated but usually still ends with "put your mouth on his penis."
The real challenge (penis-wise) is figuring out how to give a guy a boner ... without laying a finger on him!
It can be done, and I've got some surefire tactics for you to try below!
Godspeed, and enjoy the process, ladies.
How To Give a Guy a Boner (Without Even Touching Him)
1. One word: cleavage.
Look, guys love boobs.
Do some guys prefer butts to boobs? Sure.
But you know who is going to complain when you wear a low-cut top and make sure he's getting prime optics on 'em?
Not one single straight man on planet Earth.
If you can, go braless is a shirt that is ever so slightly see-through.
Nothing excites a penis quite the way an illicit nip slip does, and you can take that to the bank!
2. Invite him to watch you shower.
You might be noticing a trend here. The trend is to be naked but don't let him touch you and don't you touch him.
To be clear, this has got to be a "sexy" shower, not a "mama's gotta shave her toes again" shower. Don't pretend you don't know exactly what I mean, either.
The key here is to be standing at a flattering angle as water cascades over your naked body and you fondle yourself.
It's less about hygiene and more about becoming living porn.
3. Let him "catch you" masturbating.
This is hot for multiple reasons, for one, you get to have an orgasm while giving him a boner.
The second reason this is hot is because it's a pretty common scenario in porn: girl masturbates, girl gets caught masturbating, guy has sex with girl who is making him horny.
It's not exactly, you know, evolved, but it's hot as hell and an almost guaranteed erection.
Just, you know, make sure it's the guy you're in a relationship who catches you and not like, your landlord.
4. Whisper your dirtiest fantasies in his ear.
First of all, guys get chills when a woman whispers in their ear. It's just biology.
Those chills will rapidly turn into boners when you start telling him all of the things you want him to do to you.
His penis will become as eternal as the Washington Monument if you also let him know about all of the girls you want to have sex with ... alongside him!
5. Perform a sexy striptease.
Annnnnd we're back to getting naked.
Not all of us are born dancers (hi, hello, I cannot move my legs in a manner that is attractive or beguiling). That's why I already gave you other options.
But if you are a dancer and you have a booty that won't quit, become his private dancer.
Bonus points, because you aren't actually a stripper and he isn't a client so it isn't gross if he pops a boner and begs you to touch it.
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Rebecca Jane Stokes is a freelance writer and the former Senior Editor of Pop Culture at Newsweek with a passion for lifestyle, relationships, psychology, and true crime.