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There's nothing right about this situation.
By Isaac Serna-Diez
Last updated on Dec 26, 2023
Navigating through co-parenting is not always an easy undertaking. It requires a certain level of trust in your ex-partner every time your child spends time with them, as you have no choice but to give up any sort of control you have when your child is with you.
This is all compounded when your ex meets someone new and eventually introduces them to the child you share, and for one mom, the uncertainty was too much to bear.
The mother installed security cameras in her ex's home when she learned his new girlfriend would be moving in.
The woman's new husband took to Reddit to seek some wisdom about his current situation with his wife and her ex-husband. His wife, Claire, shares custody of her six-year-old daughter with her ex-husband, Adam.
“Adam has not dated anyone ever since he and Claire got separated, Claire always talked about how this was a good thing because she believes that my stepdaughter is better off without a witch stepmom to boss her around and abuse her,” he wrote in his post. “Then, Adam started seeing his now girlfriend about 8 months ago, Claire wasn't happy about it — in fact, she was livid that Adam introduced my stepdaughter to his girlfriend so soon. Claire demanded meetings with Adam's girlfriend to test and see what kind of stepmom she will be for my stepdaughter.”
While it's normal to want to know exactly who your child will be around, the man revealed that his wife had taken things too far: he learned that his wife was secretly planning to spy on her ex.
Photo: Christin Hume / Unsplash
“I very recently found out that Claire installed several cameras in Adam's house while he and his girlfriend were away on a trip,” he said, mentioning that Claire had the keys to his house because their daughter’s things were there.
Now, the stepfather is wondering if he should tell his wife's ex about the cameras.
The man mentioned that he wants to tell his wife's ex because morally, it’s wrong, and legally, it’s even worse. According to home security company Safewise, laws regarding hidden cameras vary by state. But for the most part, consent is required for video surveillance.
Photo: Safewise
Additionally, Claire could face criminal trespassing charges being that she entered the home without her ex's permission.
When the man confronted Claire about her behavior, she claimed it was a temporary solution and that she’d remove them when she confirmed that the girlfriend wasn’t abusive — but he doesn’t believe her.
Unsurprisingly, people on Reddit were supportive of the man's desire to tell his wife's ex about the cameras.
As most people noted, she’s very clearly committing a crime.
“This is illegal and you could get in trouble now if you knew and took no action,” said the top comment, straight and to the point.
Others touched on Claire’s feelings toward Adam and whether or not there was a bigger-picture problem that was being ignored.
“This is beyond crazy and quite frankly disturbing. If I were you, I would take a long hard look at your wife and ask yourself if she is really over the Ex," one person wrote. "The fact she celebrated him not having a relationship and moving on and how she reacted when the girlfriend came into the picture.”
It can be incredibly difficult to accept that your ex has moved on.
It doesn't always mean that you're still in love with them, however.
“Even if you and your ex dated eons ago and you think you should be ‘over it,’ the waves of grief often feel fresh because, really, they are,” San Francisco-based marriage and family therapist Lynsie Seely told HuffPost. “You are facing a new part of the grieving process that you haven’t had to process yet.”
This can be even more true when kids are involved, as feelings of being not only replaced as a partner but also as a mother come into play. However, spying is not the answer, and experts suggest approaching the situation from a place of empathy and positivity instead of fearing the worst.
"Watch out for common negative thinking traps like fortune-telling (predicting that the future will be bad based on a current conflict), emotional reasoning (believing that something scary is happening if you feel afraid), catastrophizing (imagining that the implications of a problem are far more serious and lasting than they actually are, using terms like “always,” “never,” “must,” “should”), and black-and-white thinking (assuming that something is either good or bad without compromise or allowing for differing perspectives)," Dr. Shannon J. Curry, clinical psychologist and Director at Curry Psychology Group, told Romper.
Isaac Serna-Diez is a writer who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics.