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Why would she think she deserves to be a bridesmaid?
By Isaac Serna-Diez — Last updated on Oct 30, 2023
During Slate.com’s Weekly Live Chat called “Dear Prudence,” one woman told the story about how her sister ruined her first engagement soon after graduating from college. After some years passed and the older sister moved on, she decided to invite her to her second wedding ceremony to a different man — choosing not to invite her to the wedding party or make her a bridesmaid.
The younger sister believed she deserved to be a bridesmaid after cheating with her sister’s first fiance.
“I ended my first engagement after finding out my 19-year-old sister had been sleeping with my fiancé,” the woman, referred to as “Q” explained. “He and I had just graduated college. It devastated me.”
Q said that when she confronted her sister about what happened, she lied and “tried to act like a little, innocent angel,” saying that she had been “seduced” by her fiance instead of the situation occurring the other way around.
“But several of her friends gave me proof that my sister had been gunning for him since she was 17,” Q revealed.
For three years, her sister had been sending texts to her fiance, trying to seduce him, and “savaged” her looks, saying that he could do better than Q.
“When she learned he would be joining me at the family home, she would crow about getting out her ‘sexy’ pajamas and better bikinis,” she said as an example.
Their confrontation put a permanent estrangement between Q and her sister, and a difficult one between Q and her parents, but she decided that after several years had passed, she would try again.
“I am now engaged to a wonderful man who adores me,” Q stated. “As a gesture, I invited my sister to the wedding but did not include her in the wedding party. My sister took personal offense that I didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid.”
The younger sister believed that because she was Q’s only sister, she deserved to wear the title of bridesmaid.
“I asked her if she had a head injury because that was the only excuse for her actions,” Q retorted when her sister caused a fuss. “She ruined my first engagement — why would I want her within fifty feet of my new one?”
The younger sister claimed that she was just a “kid” back then, but Q wasn’t having it, so she ended the conversation there — but not before her younger sister complained to their parents.
Their parents are on the younger sister’s side, and so she has rescinded her younger sister’s invitation permanently.
The only problem now is that Q is pregnant and is afraid that if she doesn’t tell her parents, they won’t come to her wedding.
“The only solution I see,” advised author R. Eric Thomas, who filled in for Prudence, “short of telling them about your pregnancy, is to sit them down and have a conversation about harm and boundaries.”
He explains that what Q is really looking for goes much deeper than mere attendance at her wedding.
“You want them to choose your side, but if they can’t do that, you want them to acknowledge the validity of your feelings,” he says.
While Q’s relationship with her younger sister might be over, her relationship with her parents is still salvageable, so long as they're willing to put in the work.
Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics.